Tag Archives: sun

Indian Summer Celebrated By Many Even Though It’s No Longer Politically Correct

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Indian Summer is one last chance to enjoy summer and prepare for winter.

Summerset, SD – It’s what many in our area have long been waiting and hoping for, and now it’s finally arriving: Indian Summer!

For any employed workers who are lucky enough to have some extra vacation days, it’s a chance to get some final sun on one’s face while perhaps sipping an adult beverage out on the deck.

After we’ve already had a killing frost (and a winter storm), it’s one final time to breathe the last of the warm summer air before heading into the long and dark cold winter months.

The old politically incorrect name for it is Indian Summer while the new hip PC term is now Global Warming.

Indian Summer originally got its name from an old 1919 song by Victor Herbert which helped remind the Indians to get out and add some extra layers of warmth to the outside of their teepees while doing their good-bye dance to summer and happily celebrating a temporary postponement of winter.

Today, it’s more of a chance to tidy up the hoses, get down the snow shovels, put up your Christmas lights, and for street crews to quickly finish up all those road construction projects.

‘The Fargo Syndrome’ Beginning To Affect Many Fargoans

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Suffering from the Fargo Syndrome can cause suffering from the Fargo Syndrome.

Fargo, ND – Many clinics have begun reporting cases of people suffering from the effects of The Fargo Syndrome.

Doctors say it is comes from a fermenting combination of: the long cold winter, a lack of sun and warm fresh air, a depressing sense that you’re living out in the middle of nowhere, and how terribly the Minnesota Vikings season ended.

If you think you might be starting to feel the toxic effects of The Fargo Syndrome, either turn on all your lights, call a friend, go shopping, book a flight to Cancun, or try taking another Xanax.

Experts do point out that one very positive note is that it could be much worse. You could be living up in Grand Forks!

Solar Eclipse Cancelled As Some Find It To Be Offensive

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Since it’s a religious experience to some, others find solar eclipse to be offensive to their beliefs.

Sunbeam, Idaho – So as to not be offensive to people of certain religious beliefs, the solar eclipse has been cancelled by federal and state authorities.

While statues of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln are being pulled down because of their political incorrectness, the once-in-a-lifetime solar eclipse has now been cancelled after a number of religious leaders cried foul.

One politician wearing a Donald Trump mask in order to remain anonymous explained that by officially cancelling the solar eclipse, his chances of getting re-elected next year might improve with the voters in his district.

So, for all of you who purchased special glasses from Amazon for watching the solar eclipse, it’s not too late to return those via drone.

Now that the eclipse has officially been cancelled, this will give the country more time to tear down more monuments to our offensive past such as the Jefferson Memorial and the Washington Monument. Oh, and Mount Rushmore, you can run but you can’t hide, because they’re coming for you too.

VooDoo Sun Doctor To Fix Global Warming

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SUNBALLERpx1Alice Springs, Australia – A young VooDoo priest who calls himself Legba (pronounced Leg-Ba) claims he can actually help Planet Earth with its global warming “fever”.

Mr. Legba has apparently done some incredible things involving the sun in his native northern Australian backwoods area.

His fellow tribesmen, from the aborigine group known as Walwallie, claim this VooDoo superstar was born with some very special powers to affect and control the sun’s energy and temperament.

Legend has it, that on the day Legba was born, there was both a total solar eclipse and a region-wide power outage which affected most of Australia.

This gifted aboriginal Australian VooDoo medicine man has now caught the attention of the US-led global warming alarmists. There is talk that Legba will soon become the first-ever U.S. VooDoo Czar.

He and his support staff will possibly be working with a group of Scientologists and a new government agency call the CCC: The Center for Climate Control.

Their funding for this important project will come from a new global warming tax, along with the proceeds from an upcoming movie called “Can Legba Save Planet Earth?”, in which Legba will play himself.

Speaking through a translator, Legba, whose native language is Andakerebina, would like everyone to know that 1. “VooDoo works”, and 2. “Now is the time to act and the time to act is now.”

Legba, and his lovely wife Ayezan, will temporarily be staying in a comfortable two-room hut in the White House Rose Garden, until more permanent hutting can be provided for them.

Swiss woman attempts to live on sunlight; dies

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Switzerland (AP) – A Swiss newspaper is reporting that a woman who recently attempted a sort of “spiritual journey” that requires fasting both food AND water while only to live off the incredibly harmful rays of the sun, has died.

The woman, in her fifties at the time of her death, apparently got the idea from an Austrian documentary which detailed the life of an Indian guru. The guru claimed to have lived this way for upwards of 70 years. Hmmm… not providing the body actual nutrition & sustenance while forcing it to thrive off of the cancer-causing, skin-searing ultraviolet rays of an incredibly massive burning star is not what we’d call a “spiritual” journey. The sun feels great, but do you know what’s better? A drink of water after you’ve been thirsty for 3 days. It’s invigorating, let me tell you.

Let’s lament the untimely loss of a spiritual patriot and at the same time, look on the bright side: she’ll have a fantastic-looking tan at the funeral.