Tag Archives: democratics

Amy Klobuchar Wrestles Woman To Ground After Being Attacked

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Senator Amy Klobuchar prepares to body slam alleged attacker to the floor.

Penacook, New Hampshire – Presidential candidate Amy Klobuchar successfully wrestled a Bernie Sanders supporter to the floor after being suddenly attacked while campaigning near New Hampshire’s capital city of Concord.

Luckily, the Minnesota senator had wrestled as a Trojan on her Wayzata High School team, so she instinctively knew some basic moves to protect herself when the need arose.

After the incident, Senator Klobuchar said she now needs to focus all of her attention on wrestling with Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sander, Quid Pro Joe, and Mayor Pete.

President Trump Made A ‘Kid Pro Quo’ Deal With Ukraine For A Children Exchange Program

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Presidents Trump and Zelensky making a deal to secretly exchange children between their two countries.

Kyiv, Ukraine – In a stunning new development which is further fueling the inexorable impeachment inquiry, whistle blowers are blowing their whistles over a Kid Pro Quo deal that President Trump secretly made with Lord Voldemort Zelensky of Ukraine.

Apparently the deal included secret plans for the United States to set up a children exchange program with Ukraine.

It is not clear at this juncture whether or not any children have already been exchanged between the two countries.

Democrats believe that if this Kid Pro Quo is proven to be true during their live televised hearings, then they should have enough support and momentum to impeach President Donald Trump prior to the upcoming 2020 elections.

In the meantime, if you are a child who was exchanged between the United States and Ukraine, please call the Kid Pro Quo hotline to talk with a highly trained federal counselor who will secretly walk you through your options.

Biden Wins Dem Debate By Focusing On Clipping Coupons In The Stock Market

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Old Joe Biden knows about clipping coupons in the stock market.

Westerville, Ohio – Almost everyone agrees that former Vice President Joe Biden won the 4th Democrat debate which was held in the iconic suburb of Westerville, Ohio.

Here is the key moment when former VP Joe Biden cleverly won the debate:

CNN MODERATOR ERIN BURNETT: Vice President Biden, you have warned against demonizing rich people.

Do you believe that Senator Sanders and Senator Warren’s wealth tax plans do that?

JOE BIDEN: No, look, demonizing wealth, what I talked about is how you get things done.

And the way to get things done is take a look at the tax code right now.

The idea, we have to start rewarding work, not just wealth.

I would eliminate the capital gains tax.

I would raise the capital gains tax to the highest rate, of 39.5 percent.

I would double it, because guess what?

Why in God’s name should someone who’s clipping coupons in the stock market make, in fact, pay a lower tax rate than someone who, in fact, is, like I said, the, a schoolteacher and a firefighter? It’s ridiculous. And they pay a lower tax!

Democrats Considering Lowering Voting Age To Ten While Offering Them Free Candy

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Top Dems luring children with candy.

Washington, DC – Nervous Democrats needing a win in the next presidential election are pushing to lower the voting age to ten while offering children free candy and recreational marijuana.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi believes it’s really important to capture kids when they’re in grade skool, before they know much about politix, and when they can still be easily swayed for whom to vote.

Senator Chuck Schumer concurs that rather than lowering the voting age to sixteen, lowering it to ten, along with offering free college, free candy, free pot, and free Doritos to anyone who doesn’t vote for the Republicans would be a boon to the Democrat voting base.

Both Pelosi and Schumer agree that their For The Children Act (H.R.1) is “really important” because we need to drastically change election laws before the next presidential election in order to prevent four more years of never-ending Trump investigations.

Virginia Governor Ralph Northam Being Pressured To Do The Moonwalk

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Dance like Mike

Richmond, Virginia – After boasting that he won a dance contest in the 1980s by doing Michael Jackson’s famous moonwalk, leading Democratix are calling on Virginia’s governor Northam to do the moonwalk.

“We believe if his Excellency can indeed do the moonwalk like Michael Jackson, this will give some major credence to his nutcase that he can dance good enough to win a dance contest.”

Expert pundits agree across the board that if verificational veracity in the tangible form of an actual moonwalk performance by The Honorable Governor Ralph Northam is witnessed by all on live TV, then the rest of his cockamamy story may be true, so help him God.

Virginia’s Lieutenant Governor: “It is time to not just talk the talk, but rather we believe it is time for Ralph Northam to walk the walk, and in this particular case, we talkin’ the Moonwalk!”