Tag Archives: kids

President Trump Made A ‘Kid Pro Quo’ Deal With Ukraine For A Children Exchange Program

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Presidents Trump and Zelensky making a deal to secretly exchange children between their two countries.

Kyiv, Ukraine – In a stunning new development which is further fueling the inexorable impeachment inquiry, whistle blowers are blowing their whistles over a Kid Pro Quo deal that President Trump secretly made with Lord Voldemort Zelensky of Ukraine.

Apparently the deal included secret plans for the United States to set up a children exchange program with Ukraine.

It is not clear at this juncture whether or not any children have already been exchanged between the two countries.

Democrats believe that if this Kid Pro Quo is proven to be true during their live televised hearings, then they should have enough support and momentum to impeach President Donald Trump prior to the upcoming 2020 elections.

In the meantime, if you are a child who was exchanged between the United States and Ukraine, please call the Kid Pro Quo hotline to talk with a highly trained federal counselor who will secretly walk you through your options.

Man Who’s Half Goat To Marry Half-Goat Woman: Said To Make A Great Couple!

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Half-goat couple planning on raising a few kids on their very own goat farm.

Moorhead, MN – The quirky little American town that invented the Dilly Bar will soon have another first.

Mr. Billy Goat, who is self-described as being half man and half goat will soon join in marital wedlock with Ms. Fauna Capra, who is similarly also half goat.

For their wedding ceremony, both are expected to wear cashmere coats since they are both half cashmere goats.

Once legally joined together as a tribe and add a few kids, they plan on getting the flock out of here and moving to a small goat farm in rural Minnesota where they can nibble on some sweet alfalfa and tasty shrubs.

For income, besides selling their cashmere wool at premium prices, they also plan on marketing their own hircine line of goat milk and goat cheese.

FMO Announces The 2018 Smartest Kids Contest

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How smart is your kid?

West Fargo, ND – The FM Observer is excitedly proud to announce our 2018 Smartest Kids Contest.

“Think of this as a spelling bee but you’re asked questions instead of spelling words,” says Dr. Thomas Tuttle, who runs the Smartest Kids Contest, and who also won his age division when he was younger.

Questions can be on any topic such as current events, general factoids, members of President Trump’s cabinet, cocktail ingredients, historical facts, who’s married to whom, sports trivia, the value of PI, and much much more.

First place winners in each age group will win a trip to Grand Forks, whilst second place winners will win two trips to Grand Forks, and so on and so forth.

If you would like to participate, simply contact Dr. Thomas Tuttle with all your personal information such as name, birth date, Mother’s maiden name, social security number, bank accounts and credit cards. After that, simply start studying for Fargo’s 2018 Smartest Kids Contest!

One tip: Answers to all the possible contest questions can be found in the Fargo Public Liberry.

Oscar The Grouch

Oscar The Grouch Admits He Is Made Of Marijuana

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Oscar The GrouchOscar The Grouch, a muppet character from the ever so popular kids show Sesame Street, has finally come clean about himself.

Today on Good Morning America, Oscar has revealed to the world that he is actually made out of Marijuana.

“I feel it was time to finally come clean about myself.  I am indeed, one big nug of weed.”

Parents Television Council have been in a huff since this revelation as Sesame Street is a childrens television show.

Concerned parents are afraid Oscar The Grouch will endanger their children, turn them into murderers, and become a gateway to more hardcore drugs.  However, after speaking with some current and former children on the show, they stated that they have been smoking Oscar The Grouch for quite sometime now which explains why they always seem so happy on the show.

oscar the grouch smoking weed

Oscar states that he does not put pressure on any children to smoke him but does admit it helps him, as well as the children, deal with the fact that there is a big yellow talking bird on the show.  It also calms his nerves due to the stress of living in a garbage can all his life.