Tag Archives: lizard

Global Warming Changing Algore Into A Reptile

Algore is now becoming Lizard Man!?

Lizarda, Brazil – While in South America giving speeches about Global Warming, Algore has reportedly begun changing into what appears to be a reptile.

Local Brazilian newspapers are now referring to the Climate Change expert as “Homem Lagarto” (Lizard Man).

Some believe that the warmer climate is changing the former vice president into a reptilian human lizard while others think he may have been bitten by a rabid lizard during a jungle camping expedition into the Amazon rain forest.

What do you think about this?

Do you believe in Herpetology?

Are you for or against Global Warming?

Where do you see yourself in 100 years?

Are you willing to fight for peace?

Man Dies When Far-Sighted Reptile Mistakes Him For Large Rodent

Large legally-blind lizard mistakenly devours small neighbor man like a rodent snack.

Dilworth, MN – The Minnesota Animal Task Force has reported that a large reptilian pet that escaped from its steel cage gradually wandered over into a nearby neighbor’s yard where it consumed a small man.

The victim was a diminutive gentleman by the name of Dr. Nome Fletcher, a retired motivational speaker who lived alone after his entire family joined Scientology.

The reptile was a full-grown monitor lizard whose name was Mahluq, which is the Uzbeki word for ‘monster’.

The reptile’s owner, Umid Ruslan, explained that his pet monitor lizard Mahluq had always had a hard time seeing things close up as it suffered from hyperopia when Umid adopted him from the Humane Society.

Mahluq’s owner believes that his monitor lizard maybe mistook Dr. Fletcher for some sort of rodent such as a capybara or perhaps even a nutria.

“I had always wanted to get Mahluq some glasses,” said Umid regretfully, “but there’s just not a lot of places that make eyeglasses for monitor lizards.”

Consider Giving Komodo Dragons For Christmas

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Make this the best Christmas ever!

Dragoon, AZ – Are you looking to give your loved ones a Christmas gift to show how much you cherish their existence in your life? Consider giving them a full-grown Komodo Dragon.

Would you like to give your sworn enemies something to scare the shih tzu out of them once and for all? Consider giving them a full-grown Komodo Dragon.

Have you been looking for a solution to the barking little dog problem next door? Consider releasing a full-grown Komodo Dragon into their fenced-in back yard.

If you’re a lizardophile and like things large, the Komodo Dragon is unparalleled in the large lizard category.

With some growing up to ten feet long, just imagine the reaction you’ll get when you chase down Mr. Road Rager who flipped you off at the last intersection and who now gets to meet your 200 pound pet.

For a nice side income, consider breeding the Komodo Dragons and selling their young. The normal life span of these prehistoric creatures is about 30 years so there’s a lot of time to get attached to these fun carnivores who can swallow a goat in about fifteen minutes.