Man Dies When Far-Sighted Reptile Mistakes Him For Large Rodent

February 18th, 2017 | by Johnnny

Large legally-blind lizard mistakenly devours small neighbor man like a rodent snack.

Dilworth, MN – The Minnesota Animal Task Force has reported that a large reptilian pet that escaped from its steel cage gradually wandered over into a nearby neighbor’s yard where it consumed a small man.

The victim was a diminutive gentleman by the name of Dr. Nome Fletcher, a retired motivational speaker who lived alone after his entire family joined Scientology.

The reptile was a full-grown monitor lizard whose name was Mahluq, which is the Uzbeki word for ‘monster’.

The reptile’s owner, Umid Ruslan, explained that his pet monitor lizard Mahluq had always had a hard time seeing things close up as it suffered from hyperopia when Umid adopted him from the Humane Society.

Mahluq’s owner believes that his monitor lizard maybe mistook Dr. Fletcher for some sort of rodent such as a capybara or perhaps even a nutria.

“I had always wanted to get Mahluq some glasses,” said Umid regretfully, “but there’s just not a lot of places that make eyeglasses for monitor lizards.”


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Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express.