Mars will be in good hands with Bernie Sanders as the president of Mars!
Mars, Milky Way – Shortly after suspending his 2020 presidential campaign, Bernie Sanders waved to everyone on Earth as he boarded his plane for Mars.
“This is a bittersweet moment. Bitter because Joe Biden looks to be the Democrat nominee for president. Sweet because I look forward to being the first president of Mars,” said Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders as he climbed aboard his plane which was being prepared for the long flight to Mars.
Pundits opined that Mars might be a good testing ground for some of the Bernie Sanders plans and programs that the seemingly radical Senator wanted to implement here on Earth.
In his final good-bye to his supporters, Bernie said: “I bid you all farewell, and if you want Medicare For All, please come visit us on Mars, where healthcare shall be a human right, along with free college, and free everything, for that matter.”
Hurricane Limbaugh has its eye on the mainstream media.
Palm Beach, FL – After Rush Limbaugh suggested that Hurricane Irma is merely a liberal hoax, Hurricane Limbaugh suddenly popped up in its place and is expected to stir things up on the mainland.
Obviously caused by climate change, which is caused by global warming, which is caused by fracking, Hurricane Limbaugh is on track to make landfall in the Palm Beach area, right where the Doctor of Democracy has his home base.
Hurricane Limbaugh is expected to wreak major havoc, just as Rush has been doing with his strong-winded criticisms of liberal ‘Democratics’ for three long decades.
Characteristics of Hurricane Limbaugh include: Very low pressure, an expansively large circulation, a calm and warm center, a strong force going outward in all directions, and many topical disturbances on a daily basis.
George Soros is Darth Sidious is Emperor Palpatine
Naboo, Chommell Sector – After receiving a tip from one of our readers, we did some old-fashioned investigative reporting and discovered that George Soros is Emperor Palpatine.
Both of these identities are also the same person we know as Darth Sidious who is most famous for saying “Everything is proceeding as I have forseen.”
Originally born in Budapest, young George Soros got stationed on Naboo in the Chommell Sector where he quickly rose to become the Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic and ultimately became the Emperor of the Galactic Empire.
So, the next time someone asks: “Who is George Soros?”, you can answer with confidence that he is Emperor Palpatine who is more commonly known as Darth Sidious.