Tag Archives: democrat

Bernie Sanders Waves Good-Bye To Humanity As He Leaves To Become The First President Of Mars

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Mars will be in good hands with Bernie Sanders as the president of Mars!

Mars, Milky Way – Shortly after suspending his 2020 presidential campaign, Bernie Sanders waved to everyone on Earth as he boarded his plane for Mars.

“This is a bittersweet moment. Bitter because Joe Biden looks to be the Democrat nominee for president. Sweet because I look forward to being the first president of Mars,” said Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders as he climbed aboard his plane which was being prepared for the long flight to Mars.

Pundits opined that Mars might be a good testing ground for some of the Bernie Sanders plans and programs that the seemingly radical Senator wanted to implement here on Earth.

In his final good-bye to his supporters, Bernie said: “I bid you all farewell, and if you want Medicare For All, please come visit us on Mars, where healthcare shall be a human right, along with free college, and free everything, for that matter.”

Vacationing President Trump Blames Democrats For Hurting His Golf Game

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All the investigations seem to be affecting President Trump’s golf game.

Palm Beach, FL – While vacationing at his humble Mar-a-Lago retreat, President Trump has taken time from his executive duties to play some executive golf.

Unfortunately, his golf game seems to be suffering from all the probing investigations into his political and personal lives.

President Trump is quick to place the blame on the Democrats like Nancy Pelosi for his worsening problems on the golf course.

After a sharp snap-hook splashed into a water hazard, President Trump snipped: “Those damn Dems!”

Hopefully his golf game will somehow quickly improve before attending the upcoming golf tournament in Russia for all of the world leaders, which is being called: Puttin’ With Putin.

Hurricane Limbaugh Set To Wreak Havoc On Liberal Media

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Hurricane Limbaugh has its eye on the mainstream media.

Palm Beach, FL – After Rush Limbaugh suggested that Hurricane Irma is merely a liberal hoax, Hurricane Limbaugh suddenly popped up in its place and is expected to stir things up on the mainland.

Obviously caused by climate change, which is caused by global warming, which is caused by fracking, Hurricane Limbaugh is on track to make landfall in the Palm Beach area, right where the Doctor of Democracy has his home base.

Hurricane Limbaugh is expected to wreak major havoc, just as Rush has been doing with his strong-winded criticisms of liberal ‘Democratics’ for three long decades.

Characteristics of Hurricane Limbaugh include: Very low pressure, an expansively large circulation, a calm and warm center, a strong force going outward in all directions, and many topical disturbances on a daily basis.

George Soros Admits To Being Emperor Palpatine

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George Soros is Emperor Palpatine is George Soros

George Soros is Darth Sidious is Emperor Palpatine

Naboo, Chommell Sector – After receiving a tip from one of our readers, we did some old-fashioned investigative reporting and discovered that George Soros is Emperor Palpatine.

Both of these identities are also the same person we know as Darth Sidious who is most famous for saying “Everything is proceeding as I have forseen.”

Originally born in Budapest, young George Soros got stationed on Naboo in the Chommell Sector where he quickly rose to become the Supreme Chancellor of the Galactic Republic and ultimately became the Emperor of the Galactic Empire.

So, the next time someone asks: “Who is George Soros?”, you can answer with confidence that he is Emperor Palpatine who is more commonly known as Darth Sidious.

Delegate To Sue Party Convention Because Nobody Would Caucus With Her

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If nobody wants to caucus with me, I will bring you down.

If nobody wants to caucus with me, I’ll bring you down.

Bismarck, ND – Dorothea Toppen went to the 2016 North Dakota Democrat Convention wanting to caucus but no one would caucus with her.

So, Dorothea Toppen is planning on filing a lawsuit against the North Dakota Democrat Party for 1. non-inclusion, 2. disrespect, and 3. emotional damages.

The plaintiff also says that someone looking a lot like Donald Trump meanly grabbed her by the arm and pushed and pulled her in a direction she did not want to go.

So, Dorothea Toppen is also considering filing a secondary lawsuit against Donald Trump for 1. strong-arming, 2. disrespect, and 3. emotional damages.

Moral of the story: When you go to your political party’s convention wanting to caucus, you can sue their ass if nobody wants to caucus with you.

Rachel Maddow Announces She’s Running For Governor Of North Dakota

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Rachel Maddow describes herself as a left-looking liberal lady as well as a proactively progressive political pundit.

Bismarck, ND – Rachel Maddow has stunned the political world by announcing that she is running for Governor of the great state of North Dakota.

Most people know Rachel Maddow as a popular political commentator who hosts the Rachel Maddow Show on MSNBC.

Some might not know that she is also an accomplished author who holds a doctorate in politics from the prestigious Oxford University.

With a vast dearth of Democrat candidates running for Governor of North Dakota, Rachel Maddow has decided to throw her name into the proverbial political hat.

FMO: Why North Dakota? Why would you want to run for Governor of North Dakota?

Rachel Maddow: “Some people see things as they are and ask why. I see things that could be and say: Hey, what the heck!”