Tag Archives: snow

Local Service Clubs Helping To Make Snow Forts For The Homeless

The Snow Forts For The Homeless program is a winter win/win!

Fargo, ND – All of the service clubs in the Fargo-Moorhead area are joining forces to help the homeless during the cold winter months.

Dr. Whit Emerson, who is currently serving as president of the Friendly Raccoons service club, suggested the idea of building snow forts for the homeless to his friend Mister Howen.

These two remarkable men have now consolidated the collective energy of all the service clubs in the greater Fargo-Moorhead area with the single goal of providing each and every one of the area’s homeless population with a home, at least until Spring when they melt.

Amazingly, all of the letters in both Whit Emerson and Mister Howen can be re-arranged to spell: Winter Homes!

No Parking On Streets Of Fargo After 4+ Inches Of Snow Has Fallen

After 4+ inches of snow, can I be parked on the street? No!

Fargo, ND – A new and much stricter parking law in Fargo may leave many street parkers surprised when they come out to look for their vehicle.

In order to help the snow plows do their job more quickly, after four or more inches of snow has fallen, any owners with cars parked on the streets of Fargo will have their vehicles compacted into a one foot cube for easy stackability at the city’s impound lot.

Q: What should owners do with their street-parked cars after 4+ inches of snow has fallen?

A: Perhaps go for a leisurely drive, or go park your car in Moorhead until your street has been properly cleared by the city plows.

Q: Can I get my car back after it’s been impounded?

A: Yes, but it will have been compacted into a one foot cube for easy stackability.

People’s Militia Group Votes On Proper Punishment For Downtown Fargo Jaywalkers

Unanimous vote for the death penalty to any jaywalkers in Downtown Fargo.

Fargo, ND – The People’s Militia Group which oversees the Fargo area, unanimously voted at their latest meeting for all Downtown Fargo jaywalkers to receive the death penalty.

The head of the People’s Militia Group is Janik Longway who firmly said: “Since jaywalking is a heinously problematic crime in the Downtown Fargo area, we solemnly recommend the death penalty for any and all jaywalkers.”

“Also, we strongly believe that anyone caught with a parked car on the streets of Fargo after four or more inches of snow has fallen should also receive the death penalty after their car has been quickly compacted into a small, stackable, one foot cube for easy removal.”

If you have a differing opinion on these matters, you’re invited to speak out against them at the next meeting of the People’s Militia Group.

Punishingly, all of the letters in Janik Longway can be re-arranged into: No Jaywalking!

Weatherman Predicting Worst Winter Ever :(

Compared to the worst winters ever, this coming winter will top the charts.

West Fargo, ND – The good news is that your FM Observer just hired one of the best weather forecasters in the business.

The bad news is that our very own Dr. Noblin Glasgow is predicting the worst winter ever for our North Central region of the country.

Unfortunately, what we are hearing from Dr. Glasgow is that this coming winter will far exceed any of the previous worst winters on record.

“I am very sorry to say that this winter will make the winters of 1888, 1920, 1941, 1966, and 1997 look like birthday parties at a country club,” explains Dr. Noblin Glasgow while smoking a cigar amongst his stacks of scientific data.

Obviously, in light of this unsettling information, locals are calmly advised to stock up on all the usuals: candles, shovels, Doritos, and beer.

Interestingly, all the letters in Noblin Glasgow can be blown around to spell: Global Snowing!

International Snow Baron To Finally Visit Fargo

The mighty Snow Baron, in full garb. I know what you’re thinking and you’re wrong: NO, this isn’t the Night King from Game of Thrones. Look closer–It is clearly the Snow Baron.

Fargo, ND – It was only after a mere fifty inches of winter precip that one of the most revered snow gurus alive finally took notice. Baron Von Jeric Tedlam of the Great Siberian North, Biter Of Frost and Freezer Of Vein, has scheduled a visit to our fair city this 10th day of March, on the tail of yet another blizzard.

The Snow Baron plans to revel in a new snowfall during what he now considers a “most insidious” Fargo winter. “Be it a bountiful showing of ice and frost? It beckons for ye Baron. Harken the call of the great snownami: her winds whisper Tedlam.”

No surprise that Siberia claims home to the world’s only Snow Baron.

The Observer plans to welcome the Baron as he makes his triumphant entrance upon his magical Tundra Chariot. If you can’t deal with that, don’t come to the FMO HQ roof top this Sunday at high noon. If he is impressed with our snowiness (which without a doubt he should be) there is speculation that he will hold presidential roost here until the Spring Equinox. Yay.

Moorhead Man Modifies Microwave Oven To Quickly Clear Snow From His Driveway

Daddy, why don’t you just use that microwave oven to get rid of all the snow?

Moorhead, MN – After his daughter suggested the challenge, Wiman Moravec of North Moorhead attempted to tweak an older microwave oven to operate while open, in order to clear all the snow from their driveway.

After making some calculated modifications, Mr. Moravec and his daughter slowly moved the microwave oven around his driveway until all the snow had quickly “vaporized”.

Ironically, all the letters in Wiman Moravec can be microwaved to spell: Microwave Man!

Abominable Snowman Comes To Fargo Area In Search Of Mate

Yeti or not, here he comes!

Fargo, ND Have you been wondering: Why is it so darn cold these days?

Answer: Yeti, the abominable snowman, has temporarily left the Arctic Circle long enough to hopefully find himself a mate.

Why now? Because this is the mating season of the abominable snowman, since our winter is actually his Spring.

Experts agree it’s no accident that the word climate is made up of the words: climb + mate.

Why Fargo? No one is quite sure but it’s believed that Yeti has gotten lucky here in the past.

Yetiologists believe that negative windchill factors are how Mr. Abominable attracts his mate. So, the stronger the attraction, the colder it feels.

Fargo’s 19th Avenue North Now Open To One Lane Of Traffic

Fargo’s 72 feet of snow could be a new record!

Fargo, ND – After a record seventy two (72) feet of snow drifted in during this most recent blizzard, 19th avenue North in Fargo is finally open again, but only to one lane of traffic.

City officials are saying that because of the record snowfall, it could take weeks to re-open all four lanes of the road that leads to Fargo’s Hector International Airport.

Luckily, after such an extreme amount of snow, the City of Fargo is now completely protected from Spring flooding by the Red River Diversion project which was just completed for only $2.7 billion.

Winter Storm Xerxes Anger & Danger

usaApril14PM1Fargo, ND – When friendly folks in Fargo, North Dakota should be hosting garage sales and planting their gardens, Winter Storm Xerxes will be extending winter…with a vengeance.

While Tiger Woods is being assessed penalty strokes down in Georgia, another 10-14 inches of heavy, wet, back-breaking snow is about to be ushered into Fargo/Moorhead with up to 40 mph wind gusts.

Grocery and liquor stores have seen a tremendous spike in business during the calm before the arrival of Super Storm Xerxes.

Near blizzard conditions are expected to reek major havoc on the area from Sunday through Monday, which unfortunately is the last day to get taxes mailed at the Post Office. Olaf Larson at the Post Office said: “This here ain’t a real good deal with Xerxes arriving on Tax Day, for sure, don’t you know.”

City officials had been cautiously optimistic about the 2013 flood situation up until now, but with megastorm Xerxes about to come a-knocking, the upcoming flood fight could be a-rockin’ with a nightmare scenario of historically bad proportions.

Dr. Sumner Watkins with the National Climatological Institute says that: “April 17, 1881 was the previous record for reaching a temperature in the 50s (or greater), but that long-standing record will be shattered this year.” Dr. Watkins thinks it might not be until May when warmer temperatures arrive. “When they do arrive, the chances become increasingly good that Fargo could suddenly reach the 70-80 degree range and melt all the snow within a few days.”

Life jackets and kayaks could soon be in short supply as a late-season MegaBlizzard could morph into The MegaFlood. In the face of difficulty, Martin Luther King, Jr. once said: “We must build dikes of courage to hold back the flood of fear” (and the fear of flood).