Tag Archives: forecasters

Weatherman Predicting Worst Winter Ever :(

Compared to the worst winters ever, this coming winter will top the charts.

West Fargo, ND – The good news is that your FM Observer just hired one of the best weather forecasters in the business.

The bad news is that our very own Dr. Noblin Glasgow is predicting the worst winter ever for our North Central region of the country.

Unfortunately, what we are hearing from Dr. Glasgow is that this coming winter will far exceed any of the previous worst winters on record.

“I am very sorry to say that this winter will make the winters of 1888, 1920, 1941, 1966, and 1997 look like birthday parties at a country club,” explains Dr. Noblin Glasgow while smoking a cigar amongst his stacks of scientific data.

Obviously, in light of this unsettling information, locals are calmly advised to stock up on all the usuals: candles, shovels, Doritos, and beer.

Interestingly, all the letters in Noblin Glasgow can be blown around to spell: Global Snowing!

Fargo Facebook Families Fatally Fear Fifty Foot Fast Flood Forecast

Trying to be calmly proactive, fearful Fargo families fighting fifty foot fast-melting flood.

Fargo, ND – With the forecast calling for quick climate change from global cooling to global warming, many who fought The Big Flood zactly 20 years are starting to squirm any time the words “sand” or “bag” are mentioned.

The Benson Family: “Yah, we probly should’ve built that Red River Diversion by now, doncha know?”

The Sakimov Family: “We have already started filling sandbags out in our garage, like since last month I think, and we already hava-lota-vum.”

The Grinstein Group: “In school, my son herd that a very fast melt caused by rain could suddenly cause a record fifty foot flood right hier in River City, baby!”

The LaQuan Family Corp: “We are seriously looking into procuring a plethora of sandbags from various reliable sources some of which may be online. We steal sand from wherever we can dig it, man.”

The Nillson Gathering: “We just feel real real lucky to have all our favorite Facebook friends to help us out by firstly liking us on Facebook and secondly leaving such helpful and wonderful comments while they’re supposedly vacationing down there in Guatemala which I half suspect is basically just all trumped up.”

National Weatherman Walk-Out Threatens Nation

Caption here,,,

Zer0% Chance Of Weather

Weatherly, Pennsylvania – Our nation now faces the threat of having no weather forecasting for the foreseeable future thanks to Meteorologist Union Of Brotherhood Workers #2127, who is threatening a strike at midnight Honolulu Time.

Just imagine turning on your local news and instead of seeing your usual weather forecasting, all you got was five minutes of a test pattern.

Sheila Quark barks: “I hate all those fu┬ękers.”

Charlie O’Jama grooves: “Hey now, what’s goin’ on??”

Do your due diligence and purchase an Emergency Weather Broadcast System for up-to-date weather information for your family and your home, compliments of Out Insurance, where: “We Care More About You, Than You Do!”