We here at FECES are here to help you. Family Emergency Counseling Extra Services to the rescue!
Moorhead, MN – Summer means fun and family getogethers which can also lead to domestic disharmonies.
A new governMental agency called Family Emergency Counseling Extra Services (or FECES) is now here to help with an alphabet of problems including: altercations, brawls, conflicts, debates, eruptions, and fights.
If some serious disharmony breaks out during a gathering in your garage, at your lake cabin, or in a restaurant, just call Family Emergency Counseling Extra Services (or FECES) and they will professionally take care of your fecal matter.
When the shit hits the fan after the conversation turns to politics, climate change, or even gender fluidity, remember to immediately contact Family Emergency Counseling Extra Services (or FECES) to make sure everything comes out well in the end.
Will octagon fighting between candidates become the new normal? Tune in to find out.
Bismarck, ND – Heidi Heitkamp and Kevin Cramer, who are both fighting for the same Senate seat, will meet three times prior to the election in order to help undecided voters make their choice.
Their campaigns have agreed that these three meetings will each be a UFC-style fight held within a fenced octagon in which there basically are no rules.
North Dakota is possibly the first state to have their candidates engage in octagon fighting, instead of the normal (and boring) debate setting where they answer questions whilst standing at a podium and sip water for an hour.
These three exciting octagon fights between Heidi Heitkamp and Kevin Cramer are expected to be watched by people all across the country, not only because of the importance of the race but also because of the uniqueness of their encounters.
The Pope now says God is telling him to tell us that there is a Hell and sinners don’t just disappear upon death.
Vaticano, Italy – The Pope admits God may have had it wrong when telling the Pope that there is no Hell.
When asked recently about his comments that sinners just disappear and that there is no Hell, The Pope is now saying there still might actually be a Hell and it also goes by the name of Grand Forks.
FMO: Mister Pope, is this your personal opinion or did you hear it directly from God on your Godphone?
The Pope: This is newly updated information from God which comes to me during prayer through my internal connection to God.
We then asked Grand Forks about the Pope’s latest papal clarification:
FMO: Why do you think The Pope is picking on Grand Forks to the point of calling it Hell?
GFS: We have no idea why Grand Forks is being likened to Hell but perhaps this is somehow related to us formerly being called the Fighting Sioux. Someone needs to tell The Pope we changed our name. It’s now the Backdoor Lumberjacks.
If voting for an NCAA pre-approved name, please use its official Choice Code (ie: X2) and also include a reason or nostalgic story why you think this should be the wiener. How will I know if I won? The UND mascot will land on your roof and fly you to Grand Forks for the swearing-in ceremony, after which you will be a guest in its nest.
Downtown Fargo needs more bars to truly be considered a bona fide Drunkfest.
Fargo, ND – As if there wasn’t already enough crime and drunks in the Downtown Fargo area, the addition of a new bar should get those social parameters up to acceptable levels.
Instead of adding much-needed parking spaces, the presence of a brand new bar called Cobweb Jocks will provide Downtown Fargo with the amount of crime and number of drunks it seeks to become a world-class party locale.
“Just like going to a hockey game, what people enjoy the most is seeing drunken fights late at night,” says one late-night bloody-nosed drunk guy who just got done being in a fight.
Coupled with the fact that the Fargo Police headquarters is being relocated from Downtown Fargo to two miles west, people who have chosen to live in Downtown Fargo will soon be nicely surprised by the additional amount of exciting late-night activity happening in their hip-hop hot spot.
The legendary state of North Dakota receives its first ever Tsunami Warning.
Bismarck, ND – Even though it did seem a bit odd at the time, a Tsunami Warning was issued for the entire state of North Dakota.
Without thinking, many folks in North Dakota did have a panicky knee-jerk reaction to the warning, which read: “Tsunami Alert – Listen To Radio: This is not a test!”
Lester Schnopgaard told us that after getting his entire family up onto their roof, he then began to wonder: “Hey, how could a tsunami hit North Dakota, and where the heck would the water be coming from?”
Most people who tuned into the radio only heard some country music or a night-time discussion about how aliens have taken over the White House.
About 28 minutes after the Tsunami Warning was issued, it was then cancelled, which was a huge relief to Lester Schnopgaard and the entire state of North Dakota.