Downtown Fargo needs more bars to truly be considered a bona fide Drunkfest.
Fargo, ND – As if there wasn’t already enough crime and drunks in the Downtown Fargo area, the addition of a new bar should get those social parameters up to acceptable levels.
Instead of adding much-needed parking spaces, the presence of a brand new bar called Cobweb Jocks will provide Downtown Fargo with the amount of crime and number of drunks it seeks to become a world-class party locale.
“Just like going to a hockey game, what people enjoy the most is seeing drunken fights late at night,” says one late-night bloody-nosed drunk guy who just got done being in a fight.
Coupled with the fact that the Fargo Police headquarters is being relocated from Downtown Fargo to two miles west, people who have chosen to live in Downtown Fargo will soon be nicely surprised by the additional amount of exciting late-night activity happening in their hip-hop hot spot.
Buck McRoyster here gearing up his horse Trigger in Downtown Fargo’s new Lariat Bar & Horse Hotel.
Fargo, ND – With an increasing number of cowboy customers riding horseback due to Global Warming, Downtown Fargo will soon have a new restaurant/bar which will also provide an old-fashioned stables to hold your horses in comfort while the cowboys hava shot of whiskey and an Old West-style meal while their horses get fed, bathed, and groomed by friendly equinologists from the NDSU extension agency as a way of earning credits towards their degree in Horse Park Management Services.
The owner/manager of the new Lariat Bar & Restaurant & Stables is Buck McRoyster who sees his place filling a much needed niche in today’s green society.
“Yeah, like, if you are riding horse and want to stop by for a good meal and maby a bier or two, there just ain’t a lot of places you can go these daze that can accommodate a horse like my Trigger here,” Buck says.
“The Lariat should be quite popular with all the old time cowboys who still ride with pride, doyanowhatimsayn?”
Cowboy McRoyster also mentioned to us that they may eventually add a nice hotel and Massage Parlor.
Boston, MA – The Observer is happy to learn that musician Paula Cole is on cloud nine today after her beloved cowboys were recently discovered to have relocated to the frontier of West Texas where they’ve owned and operated a dude ranch for the past 17 years.
The singer’s popular lament “Where Have All the Cowboys Gone” skewered the Billboard top 10 back in 1997 and subsequently earned her a Grammy. She has been criticized as being a “one-hit wonder” but in reality, she was simply too distraught over the cowboys’ disappearance to continue writing commercially-successful music:
“I will admit, i’ve been churning out audible drivel ever since ‘Cowboys’. The fire just wasn’t inside me anymore. I would look for inspiration in empty places…places that the cowboys used to be.”
When asked why they decided to desert Paula Cole and form a dude ranch, the cowboys remarked “Who is Paula Cole and why are you asking us these questions about her?? Leave us alone.”
The Observer is hoping that newfound closure will help Paula Cole turn the corner and start writing inspired music again. Meanwhile, the cowboys have filed restraining orders.