Guinness Plus: All the flavor and twice the punch!
Dublin, Ireland – You may have recently heard about the multiple UFO sightings over and around Ireland.
You might not’ve known that all these UFOs were reported shortly after Guinness Beer released their newest bier: Guinness Plus!
Paul Guinness of the Guinness Corp. is proud to point out that their new bier has all the body and flavor of regular Guinness bier but packs a double–punch of enjoyment when it reaches your nervous system.
FMO: What was the impetus for creating your new Guinness Plus bier?
Paul: We wanted to be listed in the Guinness Book Of World Records as the strongest beer in both the flavor and alcohol content categories.
Guinness Plus does now come with a disclaimer on each bottle: Warning…May cause UFOs to appear!
Downtown Fargo needs more bars to truly be considered a bona fide Drunkfest.
Fargo, ND – As if there wasn’t already enough crime and drunks in the Downtown Fargo area, the addition of a new bar should get those social parameters up to acceptable levels.
Instead of adding much-needed parking spaces, the presence of a brand new bar called Cobweb Jocks will provide Downtown Fargo with the amount of crime and number of drunks it seeks to become a world-class party locale.
“Just like going to a hockey game, what people enjoy the most is seeing drunken fights late at night,” says one late-night bloody-nosed drunk guy who just got done being in a fight.
Coupled with the fact that the Fargo Police headquarters is being relocated from Downtown Fargo to two miles west, people who have chosen to live in Downtown Fargo will soon be nicely surprised by the additional amount of exciting late-night activity happening in their hip-hop hot spot.
A glass of apple wine each day helps keep the blues away.
West Fargo, ND – It’s that special time of year once again when apple pickers in the region start thinking about fermentation.
Dr. Zymurgy explains that by using the magic of fermentation, a little bit of yeast and sugar can transform friendly apple juice into powerful apple wine.
Ms. Feleppa Westin is executive apple of the Apple Wine Fest which she describes as one big drunkfest that celebrates the fermented juice from the original apple of sin.
“If you start your home fermentation process in mid-October, by Thanksgiving you will have some kick-ass apple wine for which to give thanks,” says Ms. Westin. “And by Christmas, you’ll be ready to do some serious caroling throughout your neighborhood!” she adds.
Ironically, all the letters in Feleppa Westin can be re-fermented to spell: Apple Wine Fest!
Fargo, ND – A drunk Green Bay Packer fan (is there any other kind?) recently awarded a quiet nighttime Fargo street corner with more than it could handle. The Packer fan, let’s call him “Drunken Rodgers”, had himself quite a journey last night. He traversed a number of intersections on foot, jaywalking the entire time like a blind two-year-old barely making it to the corner grass of what would become the unluckiest slab of lawn in the entire city. Evidently, Drunken Rodgers stuffed his bulbous gut full of enough Leinenkugel’s and cheese curds to make the journey home quite impossible.
Street crews were seen this morning re-sodding the corner grass patch in an effort to completely disinfect the intersection. Damage is said to be in the millions.