Tag Archives: animal

UND Football Team Adds Moose As Running Back To Roster In Effort To Beat The Bison

‘The Moose’ is a great running back but does sometimes have a problem holding on to the football.

Grand Forks, ND – In a last ditch effort to topple the NDSU Bison football team, the UND former Fighting Sioux have enlisted the help of an almost unstoppable running back.

As you might expect, his name is Bullwinkle and the scouting report on him says this running back is extremely hard to catch, contain, and tackle!

Bullwinkle (‘The Moose’ as his teammates affectionately call him) is believed to be from the Moose Jaw River area way up there in Saskatchewan, eh?

Coach says his coaching staff is very high on Bullwinkle and are hoping he can help bring the former Fighting Sioux a Nickel Trophy win against the mooseless Bison team.

New Insane Asylum For Pets Gives Families Hope

New Insane Asylum For Crazy Pets

New Insane Asylum For Crazy Pets

Sabin, Minnesota – A new animal-friendly care institution recently opened South of Moorhead.

The Sabin Observatory For Insane Animals (SOFIA) was designed to meet the special needs of pets that have gone completely crazy.

Dr. Claus Filtrum is SOFIA’s Executive Director: “We professionally design an individualized Care Plan for each insane animal.”

The bad news: The Sabin Observatory For Insane Animals currently has a long waiting list of complete lunatics waiting to get into the facility.

The good news: Expansion plans are already on the table and “in the works”.

The other good news: Treatment at SOFIA is completely “free” under ObamaCare.

NASA Rocket Launch Bringing Two Of Every Species To The Moon

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Noah’s Rocket is full of animals!

Moonshine, Illinois – NASA has unveiled its new Noah’s Rocket designed to bring two of every animal species to the moon in a last-ditch effort to save the Animal Kingdom from an imminent world-wide cataclysm.

N.O.A.H. (National Operative Aerospace Hyperchamber) is making its maiden voyage from Moonshine to Cape Canaveral via big truck trailer. NASA will then procure a prolific specimen profile to propel into space aboard N.O.A.H. After which, N.O.A.H. is slated for launch from the Cape in September of this year.

Top secret intel gleaned by FMO shows that in the cargo bay area of Noah’s Rocket will be two of every animal from Planet Earth. During their short trip to the Moon, the in-flight movie will be Eddie Murphy’s Dr. Dolittle. Once safely on the lunar surface, all of the animal pairs will be handed over to the Chinese, who have already secretly established a Table Tennis Complex on the Moon. In addition to Ping Pong, they will be able to add a much anticipated Petting Zoo.

NASA is working hard to make N.O.A.H. a success. “Between now and the day we launch, if science discovers any more species, we’ll be sure to jam em in there,” remarked project lead Whackite Bangtowner. Bangtowner, a Supreme Biologist, noted that there is one animal species they have not yet included in the trip. “If you know any homo sapiens who want to be thrust violently into the moon along with the rest of Earth’s creatures, please, don’t tell Obama.”