Tag Archives: city of fargo

People’s Militia Group Votes On Proper Punishment For Downtown Fargo Jaywalkers

Unanimous vote for the death penalty to any jaywalkers in Downtown Fargo.

Fargo, ND – The People’s Militia Group which oversees the Fargo area, unanimously voted at their latest meeting for all Downtown Fargo jaywalkers to receive the death penalty.

The head of the People’s Militia Group is Janik Longway who firmly said: “Since jaywalking is a heinously problematic crime in the Downtown Fargo area, we solemnly recommend the death penalty for any and all jaywalkers.”

“Also, we strongly believe that anyone caught with a parked car on the streets of Fargo after four or more inches of snow has fallen should also receive the death penalty after their car has been quickly compacted into a small, stackable, one foot cube for easy removal.”

If you have a differing opinion on these matters, you’re invited to speak out against them at the next meeting of the People’s Militia Group.

Punishingly, all of the letters in Janik Longway can be re-arranged into: No Jaywalking!

Fargo Civic Center Purchased By Tom Cruise/Scientology

The Fargo Civic Center will soon become The Fargo Scientology Center

Fargo, ND – While Fargo city leaders were wondering what to do with the aging Fargo Civic Center, Scientology’s Tom Cruise made them an offer too good to pass up.

The Fargo Civic Center will be transitioned into The Fargo Scientology Center and become the living, breathing regional headquarters for hundreds of Scientology cult members to recruit more Scientologists to help recruit more Scientologists.

Tom Cruise believes this is truly a win/win scenario:

Fargo leaders are happy to finally get rid of the old Fargo Civic Center for a healthy price of two hundred million dollars.

The ghost of L. Ron Hubbard is happy because now his cult members can rid Planet Earth of all negativity and psychiatry, especially in the Fargo-Moorhead area.

FMObserver To Purchase City Of Fargo For Undisclosed Number Of Bitcoins

FMO in talks to purchase City of Fargo

West Fargo, ND – The FM Observer is in consideration talks to purchase the entire City of Fargo.

Our top-notch negotiators have been assiduously working on securing a mutually beneficial deal with the City of Fargo.

Since it is so difficult to ascertain an accurate dollar value of the City of Fargo, an overall appraisal is trying to be calculated in bitcoins.

Once the bitcoin value has been determined and agreed upon, negotiations will then proceed until both parties see eye-to-eye and ceremonially shake hands.

After the FM Observer has taken over full ownership of Fargo, things will seamlessly move forward without any noticeable changes for those who live here except perhaps all the new signage indicating that Fargo, along with everyone and everything in it, will now be owned and operated by the FM Observer.

Fargo Hires Fourth Grader To Prevent System Hacking

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Child prodigy Ethan Hackett hired to protect City of Fargo’s computer systems.

Fargo, ND – The City of Fargo has decided to hire a fourth grader named Ethan Hackett to prevent hackers from infiltrating the city’s new computer systems.

Ethan’s mother tells the story that when young Ethan was but a babe, his favorite nursery rhyme was: “Hackary dackary dock, his mouse clicked on a clock”.

Lucy Bavaro who is Ethan’s fourth grade teacher says of the lad: “During our recent regional Hackathon, Ethan not only won it, but he hacked the contest and changed it to show looped Mr. Robot youtube videos. When not hacking around, Ethan likes to play hackysack with his friends.”

Ethan Hackett in his own words: “I tend to get real hacked off when other hacktivists try to hack into something that’s hackable with a hacksaw in order to do some real damage. I have always used my hacktivism to show how hackable systems are in order for them to prevent future serious data hackage.”

The City of Fargo plans to putĀ Ethan Hackett on their payroll at a salary level which is to remain private unless it’s hacked. They also will be paying him bonus incentives in the form of bubble gum, Mashers, and iTunes gift cards.