Tag Archives: science

Fargo Civic Center Purchased By Tom Cruise/Scientology

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The Fargo Civic Center will soon become The Fargo Scientology Center

Fargo, ND – While Fargo city leaders were wondering what to do with the aging Fargo Civic Center, Scientology’s Tom Cruise made them an offer too good to pass up.

The Fargo Civic Center will be transitioned into The Fargo Scientology Center and become the living, breathing regional headquarters for hundreds of Scientology cult members to recruit more Scientologists to help recruit more Scientologists.

Tom Cruise believes this is truly a win/win scenario:

Fargo leaders are happy to finally get rid of the old Fargo Civic Center for a healthy price of two hundred million dollars.

The ghost of L. Ron Hubbard is happy because now his cult members can rid Planet Earth of all negativity and psychiatry, especially in the Fargo-Moorhead area.

Expensive Study Finds That Year 2100 Is Only About 82 Years Away

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Minnesota scientists have calculated that the Year 2100 will occur in about 82 years.

St. Paul, MN – A recently completed study for the state of Minnesota has made an astonishing discovery about the year 2100.

Minnesota scientists, working with NASA, have determined that the year 2100 in Earth Years is only about 82 years ahead of us in our communal future.

The Minnesota study was funded by a GoFundMe account which was created by Doctor Odem Fung who headed up this amazing study.

Dr. Fung in his own words: “Yes, we raised about $687 million via GoFundMe for this impotent study of which I am in charge.”

“We believe the results of the study will help Earthlings prepare for future concerns such as Global Cooling, the National Debt, Zika Virus, Male Gropers, and the Second Coming of Christ.”

Ironically, all the letters in Odem Fung can be re-arranged to spell: Go Fund Me!

Fargo’s Dr. Svinkhaus Believes That Black Holes Matter

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Dr. Hector Svinkhaus believes Black Holes Matter.

Fargo, ND – Dr. Hector Svinkhaus who is internationally known for his work in radioactivity, particularly AM/FM, is now a possible candidate to receive the Nobel Peace Prize for his breakthrough study of black holes.

“What I have done here is make black holes accessible to the common people, and now these domesticated black holes can be used for entertainment or as a personal trash can, if you will,” says Dr. Svinkhaus.

The esteemed doctor does believe that black holes matter in that they make matter completely disappear which is a good thing if you have items or pets you want to dispose of or merely hide on a permanent basis.

If you would like to see Dr. Svinkhaus’ personal black hole on display in his living room, please call or stop by for coffee and cookies, day or night, rain or shine.

Fargo Teen Accidentally Creates An Actual Wormhole In His Bedroom

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Fargo wormhole proves Einstein’s theory.

Fargo, ND – While working on his school project for the upcoming Science Fair, a Fargo teenager somehow created an actual wormhole in his bedroom.

As we all know, a wormhole is a shortcut to another point in the space-time continuum offering a shorter distance between two vastly separated areas of the universe.

Daron Bainbridge, a sophomore at Fargo’s new Carlmont High School, now knows that wormholes are no longer just a theoretical hypothesis predicted by Einstein’s theory of general relativity.

Daron Bainbridge in his own words: “While tinkering around with some information I was reading about the Einstein-Rosen bridge, all of a sudden I was staring at a tunnel-like connection into spacetime right next to my frickin bed!”

Daron’s Physics teacher, Dr. Markus Lyberth: “Daron is a good student who is always trying to put various ideas together in different ways. Creating a wormhole is not only remarkable, especially at his young age, but at the same time can be quite dangerous due to the possibility of sudden collapse of the wormhole, not to mention radioactivity, along with coming in contact with exotic anti-matter heretofore unbeknownst to mankind.”