Tag Archives: study

Teams Of Foreign Specialists Coming To Fargo To Study The Mating Habits Of Fargo Natives

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Mating habits of Fargo folks to be closely examined by Dr. Abraham Notti-Figgs and his team of sexperts.

Fargo, ND – Fully equipped with lab coats and clipboards, multiple teams of mating habit specialists from various foreign countries will soon be descending upon Fargo for a long-term scientific study.

Dr. Abraham Notti-Figgs will head up the research group comprised of experts from a dozen countries that are particularly interested in the mating habits of Fargo natives.

The scientific study team selected Fargo, North Dakota as the focus of their study based on numerous factors, including 1. general remoteness, 2. extreme weather, 3. excessive alcohol consumption, 4. regional birth rates, and 5. cultural diversity.

Dr. Notti-Figgs explains that their mating habit research study of people native to Fargo will be divided into three (3) main groupings:

◘ Volunteer Video Ventures (V.V.V.)
◘ Secret Stealth Studies (S.S.S.)
◘ Mating Methods Matter (M.M.M.)

If you would like to volunteer for the V.V.V. study, please contact Dr. Abraham Notti-Figgs and his team.

If you would like to not be included in the S.S.S., please maximize the privacy settings on your smartphone, smart TV, and any other smart devices in your home and office.

Interestingly, all the letters in Abraham Notti-Figgs can be re-arranged to spell: Fargo Mating Habits!

Mars Rover Discovers Relatively Intelligent Life

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Lichen us on Facebook!

Mars, Milky Way – Even though scientists have now officially discovered life on Mars, they are admittedly a bit underwhelmed by the fact that it’s just some lichens.

However, top Mars lichenologist Dr. Charles Nim says: “We are lichen what we’re seeing with this Mars rover!”

Dr. Nim notes that it’s quite amazing that we’ve now found a mutualistic relationship of algae and fungi living and breathing on the Red Planet, but trying to communicate with it has so far been a challenge.

“These lichens are forming themselves into the shape of a human brain to supposedly better communicate with us,” the Nimster explains.

Using lichenometry, the orange lichen colony appears to be about 54 million years old but doesn’t look a day over 50 million years.

Going forward, Dr. Charles Nim shared this final thought: “We are lichen our chops to find our more about this life that we have discovered on Mars!”

As you might expect, all the letters in Charles Nim can re-arrange into: Mars Lichen!

Expensive Study Finds That Year 2100 Is Only About 82 Years Away

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Minnesota scientists have calculated that the Year 2100 will occur in about 82 years.

St. Paul, MN – A recently completed study for the state of Minnesota has made an astonishing discovery about the year 2100.

Minnesota scientists, working with NASA, have determined that the year 2100 in Earth Years is only about 82 years ahead of us in our communal future.

The Minnesota study was funded by a GoFundMe account which was created by Doctor Odem Fung who headed up this amazing study.

Dr. Fung in his own words: “Yes, we raised about $687 million via GoFundMe for this impotent study of which I am in charge.”

“We believe the results of the study will help Earthlings prepare for future concerns such as Global Cooling, the National Debt, Zika Virus, Male Gropers, and the Second Coming of Christ.”

Ironically, all the letters in Odem Fung can be re-arranged to spell: Go Fund Me!

Volunteers Sought For Deja-Vu Clinical Study

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Do U ever have deja vu? Didn’t U just ask me that?

West Fargo, ND – A new clinical study focusing on Deja Vu is now seeking volunteers who may have had personal experiences with the Deja Vu phenomenon.

The Marzano Clinic will be paying selected volunteers $200 per day as they undergo a full battery of testing designed to isolate and document the Deja Vu occurrences.

A new clinical study focusing on Deja Vu is now seeking volunteers who may have had personal experiences with the Deja Vu phenomenon.

The Marzano Clinic will be paying selected volunteers $200 per day as they undergo a full battery of testing designed to isolate and document the Deja Vu occurrences.