West Fargo, ND – If a new couple has just moved into your neighborhood, within the first two weeks after they’ve arrived, you should definitely show up unannounced at their front door during normal visiting hours, with a few nice house-warming presents.
This will not only satisfy all your curiosities about what your new neighbors are like, but will also allow them to get a good first impression of you and some of your idiosyncrasies.
Showing up without any sort of present is very gauche! Because you are expecting your new neighbors to invite you in for snacks and coffee or beer, having some sort of gift is certainly mandatory.
Specifically for the Fargo and West Fargo area, here are some great ideas for good house-warming gifts:
☺ A Trump-scented candle to make America smell great again
☺ Any animal about to be euthanized at the Humane Society
☺ A list of all your phone numbers and email addresses
☺ A box of doggy treats for canine family members
☺ A partially redacted copy of the Mueller Report
☺ A variety pack of different colored duct tapes
☺ A framed autographed picture of yourself
☺ An extra-large (unopened) bottle of booze
☺ An old Bible from any second-hand store
☺ A living, breeding pair of Sugar Gliders
☺ A brand new submersible sump pump
☺ A few of your favorite hotdish recipes
☺ Season tickets to Bison football
☺ Any Michael Bolton CDs
☺ A few memory lanterns
Moorhead, MN – Trelga and Nevron Broomstad simply wanted to go eat out at one of Moorhead’s finer restaurants on Valentine’s Day and then perhaps head back home to snuggle and maybe watch some reruns of reruns on television.
Unfortunately, on their way home, the Broomstads got pulled over by a Moorhead police officer for having a Trump/Pence bumper sticker on the back of their vehicle.
The two were quickly handcuffed and driven off in the back of an unmarked police van to spend the long night in jail for disrespecting an officer.
Their bumper-stickered car was impounded and trash-compacted into a dense cubic foot of scrap metal and then loaded onto a ship headed to China.
While sitting in separate jail cells, Trelga and Nevron Broomstad were each to be given a Valentine’s Day cupcake along with all the other inmates but there were not quite enough to go around so the two were left with no Valentine’s Day cupcakes but they were allowed to watch some reruns of reruns on the television.
Moral of the story: Select your bumper stickers wisely.