Not respecting the flag and the national anthem now considered to be Unsportsmanlike Conduct.
Anthem, AZ – A new federal executive order that just took effect when it was signed by President Trump now considers any form of not respecting the American Flag and the National Anthem prior to any sort of competition to be Unsportsmanlike Conduct resulting in immediate ejection from the game.
This not only applies to NFL football games but also to every game in every sport and at all levels of competition including kindergarten.
What if every player except for one disrespects the National Anthem? Then only that one remaining player gets to compete in that particular competition. If an entire team takes a knee or does not show up for the National Anthem, they lose by default.
What if non-players such as parents in the crowd participate in the protest? They too shall be escorted to the exit and sent home without their popcorn.
Some retirement homes in Fargo are “not to be messed with” due to suspicious gang activities.
Fargo, ND – Apparently residents of opposing retirement homes in the Fargo area have been flashing gang signs back and forth at each other to the point where it has become “problematical”.
Police reports indicate that residents of Death Valley Retirement Home have been ramping up tensions between themselves and their opposition gang which resides at Purgatory Senior Living.
“We’re not sure how this whole thing got started but we do know it cannot keep on escalating like it has been without a bloody full-blown gang fight breaking out sometime soon,” offers Police officer Lt. Greg Greeno, who’s been assigned to this case.
Retirement home managers are considering searching resident rooms in search of weapons that could be used in a gang fight such as wooden spoons, rolled up newspapers, and even toothbrushes.
For now, you are being asked to stay away from Death Valley Retirement Home as well as Purgatory Senior Living until tensions can be ratcheted down a bit.
If you are going to visit a loved one who happens to be a gang member at one of these retirement homes, please pay attention to any gang signs you observe during your visit and report them immediately to the authorities.
Moorhead, MN – Trelga and Nevron Broomstad simply wanted to go eat out at one of Moorhead’s finer restaurants on Valentine’s Day and then perhaps head back home to snuggle and maybe watch some reruns of reruns on television.
Unfortunately, on their way home, the Broomstads got pulled over by a Moorhead police officer for having a Trump/Pence bumper sticker on the back of their vehicle.
The two were quickly handcuffed and driven off in the back of an unmarked police van to spend the long night in jail for disrespecting an officer.
Their bumper-stickered car was impounded and trash-compacted into a dense cubic foot of scrap metal and then loaded onto a ship headed to China.
While sitting in separate jail cells, Trelga and Nevron Broomstad were each to be given a Valentine’s Day cupcake along with all the other inmates but there were not quite enough to go around so the two were left with no Valentine’s Day cupcakes but they were allowed to watch some reruns of reruns on the television.
Moral of the story: Select your bumper stickers wisely.