Tag Archives: driverless

Car Full Of Dogs Pulled Over For Excessive Number Of Lane Changes

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Friendly car full of dogs given a warning for excessive number of lane changes.

Fargo, ND – What started out as a fairly routine traffic stop ended up anything but.

Officer Glasford Fulco pulled over a tan-colored Dog Caravan after noticing a number of seemingly unnecessary lane changes.

Upon approaching the vehicle, Officer Fulco was rather surprised to be greeted and licked by a car full of dogs.

Seeing no human driver, Glasford asked for a driver’s license of whichever dog had been driving.

Seeming to want to fully cooperate but unable to because of the extreme language barrier, Officer Fulco cited the entire car for excessive lane changes and simply a warning to the elder dog for not having proper paperwork.

Doggedly, all of the letters in Glasford Fulco can be re-arranged to spell: Car Full Of Dogs!

Man Who Had Just Figured Out Solution To Climate Change Problem Hit By Bus

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Man with a plan no longer can remember it after getting hit by a bus.

Fargo, ND – Mr. Lonnie Clayhanger had just had the ultimate solution to the Global Climate Change problem suddenly dawn on him.

While he was then attempting to carefully walk across the street to jot it down at a Subway sandwich shop, Mr. Clayhanger was sadly hit by a driverless city bus.

Unfortunately for our entire global community, the accident has left Lonnie with acute, Level III amnesia.

As expected, the driver of the driverless bus has officially been cited for distracted driving by use of a smartphone.

Moral: Don’t cross the street to jot down your idea.

Busload Of Fargo Folks Heading To The Royal Wedding

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This beautiful bus will be bringing some very excited Fargoans to see the big Royal Wedding!

Fargo, ND – What started out as just a joking comment during some weekend beers in a garage has now turned into an official chartered bus that will be bringing a full busload of people from Fargo, North Dakota to attend the Royal Wedding in England.

“Yah, me and some of our neighbors kinda got this-here idea started, and then all of a sudden we got ourselves a full bus going to see Prince Hairy tie the knot with that Markle gal from America,” says Clyde Hammerschmidt of North Fargo.

Just in case they have any last-minute cancellations, please let Clyde Hammerschmidt know if you would like to be a stand-by substitute traveller to go see a once-in-a-lifetime chance to see a historical wedding of Royal proportions.

New Driverless Motorcycles Expected To Make Roads Safer

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Driverless motorcycles are way safer than cars driven by texting drivers.

La Honda, CA – A new line of motorcycles just introduced by Honda will be able to drive themselves.

Soon, along with driverless cars and buses, expect to be seeing driverless motorcycles on your highways and byways.

Honda’s first model of driverless motorcycles is called The Headless Horseman, which is considered to be the world’s first smartcycle.

These amazing new motorcycles can start themselves, drive themselves, as well as park and refuel if necessary.

Tests have shown that The Honda Headless Horseman is infinitely safer than a car or bus operated by a drunk or distracted driver, and Honda is sure we all agree this is a very good thing.

New Detention Centers Being Built Just For Distracted Drivers

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Welcome to our new Detention Facility where you can think long and hard about your distracted driving.

Bismarck, ND – With the huge surge in accidents caused by distracted drivers, lawmakers are responding with a draconian strengthening of punishments for those who choose to endanger others with their irresponsible negligence while behind the wheel of a vehicle.

The new Blacktomb Holding Center will house Level One first-time minor violators who will lose their driver’s licenses for one year while doing community service at either an autobody shop or a hospital, whichever one they hate most.

Level Two violators will be personally escorted to the new Rockwood Correctional Facility where they can do manual labor during the day for five years and spend the evenings watching videos of actual fatal crashes caused by distracted drivers.

Finally, for the Level Three felons who have caused horrific damage, they will have ten years to think about their bad behavior at the new Firevault Max Security Prison where they will be lucky to see the light of day or their families for the next ten years of pure hellaciousness.

Anti-Distracted Driver Movement Gaining Steam

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Distracted Driver = No Driver

Hawley, MN – Just imagine you’re completely stopped at a red light and a distracted driver (who later claims he didn’t see you) rear-ends your vehicle at 50 mph without ever even slamming on the brakes.

This is happening more and more to more and more people every day.

The time to end distracted driving is now.

A new anti-distracted driver group calling itself B.A.D.D. (Berate All Distracted Drivers) is encouraging everyone who sees any sort of distracted driver to honk your frickin’ horn long and loud at distracted drivers in order to 1. wake them out of their stupor, 2. scold them for putting anything else as higher priority than driving, and 3. hopefully avoid them ramming into you or the person in front of them, or flattening a child running out onto the street unexpectedly.

A vehicle traveling at 50 mph is moving at 75 feet per second and if a distracted driver happens to be behind the wheel, that vehicle may as well be driven by a blind-folded drunk monkey.

No-Driver Taxis To Be Tested In Fargo-Moorhead

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Just imagine riding in a taxi that has no driver.

Fargo, ND – The Fargo-Moorhead area has been selected to be the main testing zone for some new No-Driver Taxis.

Driverless electric taxis were the brainchild of Jensen Torath of Stockton, California. Mr. Torath’s new No-Driver Taxis will soon be driving themselves around the Fargo-Moorhead area, hopefully taking people quickly and safely to their intended destinations.

The president of Torath Taxi Corporation says that his PRTs (Personal Rapid Transit vehicles) are precisely guided by the latest in GPS technology which works in conjunction with Google Maps. Mr. Torath tells folks to think of his No-Driver Taxis as “intelligent robots on wheels”.

This driverless taxi technology was first tested in the United Kingdom where all “the bugs” were gradually worked out. Now, they are coming back to the United States and Fargo-Moorhead is the lucky test area.

How exactly will it work, you ask? Once a Ride Request is put into the system from a person’s smart-phone, one of the driverless vehicles will swing by to pick up any waiting passengers, and then transport them to their exact destination coordinates.

How safe are they, you might wonder? “They are safe. They are very, very safe!” says Penny Nickels, the Safety Spokeswoman for Torath Taxi Corp. “We jokingly like to say that these new automated taxis are certainly safer than riding in a demolition derby with a drunk texting driver at the wheel. While their top speed is 60 feet per second, they certainly are fast enough to safely get out of the way of an on-coming freight train.”

If you and a few of your party people friends are out drinking some evening and would like a fun and free ride in a No-Driver Taxi, simply twitter a tweet to #HeadlessHorseman using your smart-phone. Then just wait a minute or two for one of the No-Driver Taxis to pick you up. Oh, and remember to fasten your safety harness in case there are any unexpected sudden starts or stops!