Moorhead’s new penalties for not recycling are the most draconian in the nation.
Moorhead, MN – Effective immediately, the City of Moorhead will now be enforcing stringent new penalties for any and all households that do not recycle.
Moorhead’s Recycling Czar Marv Hammerstone: “Some folks might not like how strict these new penalties are but we don’t like non-recyclers.”
For a 1st violation, the penalty will be: One week at a recycling work camp, one day on the e-Wall of Shame, a fine of $100, and one Hail Mary.
For a 2nd violation, the penalty will be: Two weeks at a recycling work camp, two days on the e-Wall of Shame, a fine of $200, and two Hail Marys. And so on and so forth.
How will the City of Moorhead know if someone is not recycling?
Czar Hammerstone says: “Oh, we will know! Don’t you worry about that, mmkay? We will use every sneaky possible way we can think of to determine if you’re a non-recycler and then impose swift and hard punishments accordingly.”
West Fargo, ND – The new West Fargo recycling bins were delivered this last week. Obviously recycling is a good thing that everyone should be doing. But the size of these new recycling bins has many residents dumbfounded. Ours stands almost four feet tall, about two feet wide, and about a yard deep. Its outside dimensions put it at taking up roughly 23 square feet of garage space. It’s as high as our Honda Civic. So, just the size of it seems to be a problem, since they’re about the size of a refrigerator.
Residents are to put all recyclable materials in them including paper, newspapers, and cardboard, with nothing in plastic bags. I can just imagine what’s going to happen on one of their bi-weekly pickup days if there’s any sort of significant wind. If the wind is blowing from the West, the City of Fargo can expect a ton of loose paper to be blowing in from West Fargo.
At our home, since we’ve already been manually recycling for years, we don’t really need to keep our new giant mega-bin for its intended purpose. Since it’s large enough to sit in, I might fill ours with hot water and use it as a hot tub and maybe pull the top lid down for that authentic steam room effect. Since it has wheels, anyone with children or pets could use it as a fun wagon. Get everyone inside and pull them around the neighborhood for a co-mingled fun tour. Who wants to go on a Fun Tour? I do! I do!
Everywhere, USA – Over the last decade, nearly every facet of our society has embraced the concept of going paperless.
We’re encouraged – sometimes downright shamed – to reduce our paper waste by doing everything we can, from recycling paper products and paying our bills online to bringing our own reusable bags to the grocery store.
So how is it possible in this age of awareness and technology that, roughly every three months, a giant tome of totally unnecessary information printed in the world’s smallest font shows up again, unrequested, on our doorsteps?
The FMObserver is here to help with a few solutions for this outrageously outdated squandering of natural resources.
1. Send us your creative ideas for using extra phonebooks, which we will compile into a huge informational guide and distribute city-wide. 2. Hoard your phonebooks until June, when the FMO will use them for kindling at our Readers Appreciation Campfire & S’Mores Party. 3. (Recommended) Opt out of auto-delivery by going online to yellowpagesoptout.com
We hope you’ll join us in the fight against excess in our community! Well, excess phonebooks, anyway.