National

Clever ‘Calibration Errors’ Ensure Democrat Victories In Every Political Race
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Clever ‘Calibration Errors’ Ensure Democrat Victories In Every Political Race

October 25th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Washington, DC – Even if no Democrats show up to vote in the upcoming state and national elections, Republicans better be ready to lose each and every political race in the country. Democrat community organizers have...
Lumberjack Union Working With CDC To Stop Treebola
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Lumberjack Union Working With CDC To Stop Treebola

October 19th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Treetop, North Carolina – Lumberjacks all across the country are wasting no time in their frantic effort to chop down any and all trees suspected of having the dangerous Treebola Virus. According to the Center for Disease...
White House Ebola Response Team Practicing Their Craft
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White House Ebola Response Team Practicing Their Craft

October 16th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Washington, DC – Luckily for the American people, the White House Ebola Response Team (WHERT) is constantly practicing to improve their game. Top key players of WHERT, including the newly named Ebola Czarina, Dr. Pam Demic,...
FDA Approves Ebola Vaccine Drink: Coca-Bola
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FDA Approves Ebola Vaccine Drink: Coca-Bola

October 13th, 2014 | by Kitz
Washington, D.C. – Amidst a rising tide of panic over the deadly ebola virus threat, the FDA has fast-tracked an experimental vaccine drink for mass public consumption. Coca-Bola, which promises instant immunity against the...
Weeping Christ Statue Feared To Have Ebola Virus
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Weeping Christ Statue Feared To Have Ebola Virus

October 8th, 2014 | by Nick
Milaria, Italy—As the ebola pandemic continues to build steam, countries across the globe are showing concern. The Observer has learned that a recent discovery of a weeping-blood statue of Jesus is feared to contain the deadly...
New Green Shoes Designed To Lessen Carbon Footprints
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New Green Shoes Designed To Lessen Carbon Footprints

October 4th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Greenspring, PA – The Federal Government, secretly working in conjunction with Algore, has designed a new Green Shoe to help lessen each person’s carbon footprints. Here are some important facts you need to know about...
Civilian Trumpet Militia Groups Now Forming In Your Area
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Civilian Trumpet Militia Groups Now Forming In Your Area

September 23rd, 2014 | by Johnnny
Anytown, USA – An exciting new grass-roots organization is now starting new chapters in your area. The Civilian Trumpet Militia is being formed in all 57 states of the USA. If you have ever played a trumpet which might be...
How To Prepare For The Coming Ebola Pandemic
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How To Prepare For The Coming Ebola Pandemic

September 8th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Eboli, Italy – The World Health Organization and the Center for Disease Control are suggesting that now is the time to prepare for the next coming global pandemic from the Ebola Virus Disease. Dr. Klaus Sphinxter says:...
Star Trek Captain Janeway Wearing Prison Orange For Being Romulan Spy
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Star Trek Captain Janeway Wearing Prison Orange For Being Romulan Spy

August 29th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Enterprise, Alabama – USS Enterprise Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Star Trek Federation has been convicted of being a Romulan spy. It turns out that her actual (Romulan) name is Galina “Red” Reznikov. Ms....
Feral Rabbits Being Readied To Secure Southern Border
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Feral Rabbits Being Readied To Secure Southern Border

August 27th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Rabbit, Texas – The president has announced executive orders which will result in special teams of feral rabbits soon being dispatched to the southern U.S. border. This will be part of an overall coordinated federal ground...