Celebrity

Star Trek Captain Janeway Wearing Prison Orange For Being Romulan Spy
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Star Trek Captain Janeway Wearing Prison Orange For Being Romulan Spy

August 29th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Enterprise, Alabama – USS Enterprise Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Star Trek Federation has been convicted of being a Romulan spy. It turns out that her actual (Romulan) name is Galina “Red” Reznikov. Ms....
Feral Rabbits Being Readied To Secure Southern Border
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Feral Rabbits Being Readied To Secure Southern Border

August 27th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Rabbit, Texas – The president has announced executive orders which will result in special teams of feral rabbits soon being dispatched to the southern U.S. border. This will be part of an overall coordinated federal ground...
Stab Yourself In The Leg to Raise Awareness For RLS
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Stab Yourself In The Leg to Raise Awareness For RLS

August 22nd, 2014 | by Nick
Fargo, ND – We all know someone who’s afflicted with RLS. That’s right: Restless Leg Syndrome. This crippling, unfortunate illness affects millions of Americans worldwide. To raise awareness for this common...
Nonviolent Protests Spread To Ferguson Iowa, Kentucky, North Carolina
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Nonviolent Protests Spread To Ferguson Iowa, Kentucky, North Carolina

August 18th, 2014 | by Nick
Ferguson, IA/KY/NC—Amidst the ongoing protests in Ferguson, Missouri, local residents in remaining Fergusons across the nation have caught wind of their fellow Ferguson’s defiance and are taking action. Non-white...
Swimmer Spotted Running On Water After Shark Sighting
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Swimmer Spotted Running On Water After Shark Sighting

August 15th, 2014 | by Bill Burns
Miami, FL – A swimmer got quite a scare yesterday afternon.  So scared that he did the impossible, ran on water. Jason Hutson was swimming off the beach in Miami when he felt something hit his left ankle. That’s when...
Bowler Union Plans Multiple Strikes
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Bowler Union Plans Multiple Strikes

August 15th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Bowling Green, Kentucky – The Professional Bowlers Union says it is planning multiple upcoming strikes throughout the country in an effort to gain more respect from the rest of the sports world. Spokesperson Parker Fonebone...
Big Johnson T-shirt Company To Release Second Line Of T-Shirts
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Big Johnson T-shirt Company To Release Second Line Of T-Shirts

August 14th, 2014 | by Bill Burns
The Big Johnson t-shirt company,  with its controversial sexual innuendos that has led to court rulings,  is set to release a second brand of t-shirts.  The first new release in twenty some years. This fall,  you will be able...
American Medical Journal Identifies New Disease Epidemic: Mediabetes
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American Medical Journal Identifies New Disease Epidemic: Mediabetes

August 14th, 2014 | by Kitz
Washington, D.C. – Research from the American Medical Association has uncovered a new disease silently plaguing our society: Mediabetes. Mediabetes is defined as a condition in which the brain’s inability to produce...
Obama Administration Approves Keystone Light Pipeline
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Obama Administration Approves Keystone Light Pipeline

August 11th, 2014 | by Nick
Washington, DC—The Observer has learned that after months and months of careful consideration, President Obama has approved the final piece of the Keystone Light® pipeline. The proposed “phase 4” development,...
Butterfinger Cancels “Official Candy Bar Of The Russian Army” Contract
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Butterfinger Cancels “Official Candy Bar Of The Russian Army” Contract

July 17th, 2014 | by Kitz
Geneva, Switzerland – Following the crash of Malaysian flight MH-17 over eastern Ukraine Thursday, Nestle’s Butterfinger brand has cancelled its lucrative contract with Russia’s Military as the “Official...