Feral Rabbits Being Readied To Secure Southern Border

August 27th, 2014 | by Johnnny
Rabbits to the rescue!

Rabbits to the rescue!

Rabbit, Texas – The president has announced executive orders which will result in special teams of feral rabbits soon being dispatched to the southern U.S. border.

This will be part of an overall coordinated federal ground effort to get an emergency handle on the continuous influx of undocumented Democrats flowing into the United States from Latin American countries.

Captain Jack Leporine is the top commander of this newly created division of feral rabbit agents.

“These formerly wild rabbits will be highly trained and totally ready for action” pledges Captain Jack. “Think of them as elite armed soldiers that are as fast as a jackrabbit but as quiet as a mouse.”

Captain Jack also likes that they are very easily trainable to carry out any orders with feral federal precision. Based on their trainability, the feral rabbits beat out a number of other animal species that were being considered for this unique mission: pigs, sheep, elephants, and chimpanzees.

Captain Jack: “And as a bonus, these rabbits are simple enough to feed because they can survive by just eating any sort of grass, but of course, they prefer lettuce or carrots.”


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Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express.