Republican National Committee To Replace Donald Trump With Broomstick

October 9th, 2016 | by Nick
Potential GOP Presidential Nominee

Better option than Trump?

Washington, DC – At this hour, the Republican backpedal is spinning at over 6 million revolutions per second as the GOP scrambles to find a replacement for noted gropesmith Donald Trump. 

Reince Preibus was forced to remark on the possibility of extracting the Donald from state ballots prior to the November election. “We are evaluating every avenue and all options like we always have been and will continue to, do you see? The inevitability of a slender, stoic, hardline, bristly straight-sweeper with perfect hair that stands tall running for office is in the realm of potential, alrighty then?”

It sounds to the Observer like the Republican National Committee is efforting a broomstick as a last-minute replacement for Donald Trump. The broomstick is slender, stoic, hard, bristly and sweeps straight if you aim it in the right direction. It is a great tool that can clean up Washington without getting caught musing over sexual assault ardor.

The time is now for Reince to act. With yet another Presidential debate looming, perhaps the RNC will trot out a secret weapon to avoid the embarrassment of another Donaldism.

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Interstrapolating condectistic devariance via opentasmic protensive mindopathy.