Republican National Committee Considering Cormorant Mayor As Presidential Nominee

October 10th, 2016 | by Nick
From mayor to Republican Presidential Nominee? Duke is rising fast.

From mayor to Republican Presidential Nominee? Duke is rising fast.

Washington, DC – After a very tumultuous couple weeks, the Republican National Committee is flailing. The Donald has finally boasted himself out of public favor (for the most part–but some still want to Make America Great Again) and after last night’s debate meltdown, morale is lower than ever.

Reince Preibus has optioned another replacement nominee after his ridiculous idea of bringing in a broomstick to replace the Donald went south faster than those backyard sparrows did last week after the weather turned. 

Preibus: “Our nominee cannot be intolerant. He must be a friend to all. He mustn’t pander; he mustn’t beg, unless he’s really, really hungry (for votes). He must live to serve the American people. He must sift around in the grass for answers to what ails our country. He will sit, stay, lay down in the White House. He must be, in all cases, man’s best friend, mmkay?”

We suspect that Preibus is alluding to Duke, the mayor of lakeside town Cormorant in Minnesota.

Why Duke, you might ask? Duke, the incumbent mayor for the last 3 years, is not a chauvinist. He’s not a demagogue. He’s not a fascist. No, he’s none of these things because Duke is a 9-year-old Great Pyrenees.

Duke is clearly their guy. He will serve as an obvious upgrade from Donald Trump, who recently apologized for derogatory, aggrandizing banter made to a Bush about women. 

We expect a more formal announcement after Duke has his afternoon nap then goes potty.


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