I am truly proud of what I’ve accomplished with my own two hands.
Moorhead, MN – Evette Brickhouse set a lofty goal of building her own home.
While sipping on a few jumbo margaritas with a friend three years ago, Ms. Brickhouse decided she wanted to build herself her own dream home “with no help from nobody!”
Using the internet, Evette learned how to make bricks in her own old kiln using clay from her yard.
She cleverly found and used scrap wood from neighborhood boulevards during Clean Out Week.
After three long labor-intensive years of doing “just one task after another”, Ms. Brickhouse was proudly able to finally reveal her new dream home to some dumbfounded friends and doubting distant relatives.
Evette in her own words: “I am a big believer in setting goals. Without goals, a hockey team would never win a game. Well, I just fucking won the game of life. And to all my naysayers, you can just bite me!”
This incredible image of BigFoot was recently snapped by an amateur photographer named Darko Revkian just outside the quirky town of Moorhead, Minisoda.
Moorhead, MN – One of our trained spotters who was out doing some bird watching recently got what is believed to be the best picture ever of The BigFoot.
Darko Revkian and his camera were in search of a pileated woodpecker’s nest when he noticed a large creature walking towards an outhouse.
Darko: “All my photography training immediately kicked in and I somehow took a perfect picture of what now is believed to be the actual BigFoot.”
BigFoot experts think that the beast might be en route to Canada in the wake of Donald Trump’s successful bid for the White House.
In the meantime, Moorhead authorities are telling residents to shelter in place until the “All Clear” notification is given that The BigFoot is no longer wandering around the area.
Waste where crap should be.
Chaska, MN—Brands®. You can’t escape them. Nowadays, it matters where your Brand™ is and how your Brand© looks. The more places your Brand° can exist, the better.
Almost every pro sport has caught on to this trend. Watch any ballgame these days and you’ll notice how brands have infiltrated almost every visual aspect. They’re on floors, jerseys, in the crowd, on the walls. Even the Green Monster at Fenway Park in Boston has fallen victim to them. Too bad. What is regarded as an iconic emblem of baseball’s storied history has been partially defaced by logos.
It’s go brand or go home these days, and we’ll be damned if we miss the boat on this one. That’s why our Agency Service Subcommittee of Homeland Advertising Techniques (ASSHAT) has been aggressively shopping our brand in places where no other satirical news agency would be foolish enough to advertise.
That said, we are proud to announce, in conjunction with the PGA Tour® and Port-A-Juan™, that our ASSHAT has successfully negotiated a very exclusive naming rights contract for this year’s 2016 Ryder Cup tournament! In a groundfracking 8-figure deal (move the decimal point a few spots to the left), FM Observer™ will have its logo plastered on every Port-A-Juan© outhouse on the Hazeltine front nine.
Patrons at Hazeltine the weekend of October 1st are going to reluctantly encounter the FMO brand prior to downloading. Our proud logo will adorn strategically-placed outhouses:
Relief at holes 1-9 brought to you by FM Observer®
In the competition of Brand® recognition, location is everything. We’re fixin’ to install our brand in the most awkward areas imaginable. We hope you get used to it.