Tag Archives: volcano

Hawaiian Officials Warning People That Hot Lava Is Very Hot

Don’t touch the hot lava to feel how hot it is.

Hawaii, HI – Governmental leaders are trying to remind residents and visitors on Hawaii’s Big Island that hot lava is nothing with which to play around.

“Even though it looks so mesmerizingly beautiful, please do not attempt to touch the hot lava or even go near it as it can sometimes bubble up and the spattered little drops could ruin your nice new Hawaiian shirt,” says Kiko Kimona, Hawaii’s top lavologist.

One angry vacationer visiting from Moorhead, Minnesota was considering filing a lawsuit because the lava was so hot that it completed melted her can of Beef Ravioli that she was trying to cook for her family (not to mention what it did to their rental car).

Trump Names Bali Volcano, Mt. Agung, As New Top Advisor

Mt. Agung: nice ash!

Washington, D.C. – After losing a number of top advisors in recent weeks, President Trump filled one of the vacant slots with a highly unusual appointment today. Mt. Agung, the active volcano currently erupting in Bali, has been named as his newest high-ranking cabinet member.

“I have a wonderful, beautiful, special relationship with Mt. Agung. That volcano is really, really smart, it’s got amazing ideas, you’ve never heard ideas like these…the best…and it’s going to be a great thing for our country, America, which is a great country, but it could be better, but now it will be better, like way way better,” Trump exclaimed earlier today.

Asked what he was thinking by naming a volcano as a top advisor, President Trump said, “Mt. Agung is yuge and strong, like really strong, and really yuge. Plus it’s a volcano, which is amazing…it’s got the best eruptions in the world, the hottest lava, its ash is the best ash I’ve ever seen…everyone is going to love it, and I mean love it bigly.”

White House staffers had no comment, but insiders tell the FM Observer that they are “drinking heavily” and “mostly just praying”.

Yellowstone Park To Soon Blow Its Top

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Sitting on a powder keg and giving off sparks!

Yellowstone Lake, Wyoming – We think of Yellowstone National Park as 3,500 square miles of family fun and adventure.

With all its amazing canyons, rivers, forests, and hot springs, it’s a favorite destination for many group outings.

Besides seeing Old Faithful, you will often encounter antelope, bears, bison, elk, moose, and wolves.

Unfortunately, this wilderness recreation area sits on top of a gigantic volcanic hot spot that’s about to explode.

New scientific imaging techniques show that underneath Yellowstone is a newly-formed, deeper magma reservoir of molten rock miles beneath the Yellowstone Supervolcano. This recent discovery is four (4) times larger than the shallower, previously-known magma chamber.

It is calculated that if the Yellowstone Supervolcano erupts, the power of the blast could send its animal residents flying to the moon…and beyond.

Respected magmalogist Dr. Umoto Hishomataka believes “When this Yellowstone Supervolcano decides to blow, it will make Hiroshima look like buttered popcorn.”

The Federal Government, with its infinite wisdom, is proactively trying to save all of these beautiful animals by setting up an Emergency Animal Adoption Program.

If you would like to adopt an antelope, a bear, a bison, an elk, a moose, or a wolf, please contact your Senator or Representative and indicate your preference(s).

If we all care a little bit, we can collectively care a lot.

Wear a yellow ribbon to show you care more than your neighbor.

If anyone asks what the yellow ribbon is for, ask them if they were born yesterday.