Tag Archives: mayor

All West Fargoans Asked To Make A Rock Balancing Sculpture In Their Yards

West Fargo trying to set a new record for the town with the most rock balancings.

West Fargo, ND – The new mayor of West Fargo is informally asking all homeowners to build a rock balancing (sometimes called a cairn) somewhere in their yard.

FMO: What’s the thought behind this idea?

Mayor: West Fargo is already unique because there’s only one in the country. If every home in West Fargo had a rock balancing sculpture in their yard, that would really be cool, don’t you think?

FMO: Any tips or tricks on how to do it?

Mayor: Using rocks with some flatness helps, but basically stack them one on top of another, finding the balance point, with each rock placed on the previous rock so it feels solid like a tripod. 

FMO: Do you have any other ideas for West Fargo?

Mayor: It would be nice if everyone wore a name tag showing their first name just to increase our sense of community. 

Groups Of Homeless Living In Trees East Of Glyndon

Each homeless group elects their own mayor.

Glyndon, MN – Even though you perhaps cannot see them from Highway 10 as you’re driving to/fro Detroit Lakes, they can certainly see you driving by.

Many of the groups of trees visible from Highway 10 just East of Glyndon, Minisoda now house numerous groups of homeless people living in hammocks and cleverly designed lean-to shelters.

By mastering most of the survival techniques in the U.S. Army Survival Manual, these groups of homeless folks are “doing quite well for themselves,” so says Dr. Helbert Tessler who has been studying people who live in shelter belts as part of his doctoral thesis for the past 20 years.

Dr. Tessler: “What these survivalists are doing today is not dissimilar to what the original pioneers did back in the 18th century.”

Ironically, Helbert Tessler can be rearranged into: Shelter Belters!

Baltimore Mayor A Paragon Of Political Pragmatism

Cool. Calm. Collected.

Grace Under Fire

Baltimore, Maryland – The mayor of Baltimore will soon be given the Grace-Under-Fire Award by the National Association Of Mayors Institution (NAOMI).

While Baltimore has been given the space and time to be pillaged, looted, and burned, Balitmore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake through it all appeared as calm as the ocean in the eye of a hurricance.

Not only does her general demeanor exude peace and tranquility, but her fashionable hair style is exemplary. “She is everything a mayor should be, and more”, said DC Mayor Muriel Bowser, who noted that Vanity Fair recently included Rawlings-Blake in its list of the Top Ten Best-Dressed Mayors.

Besides being an attorney and mayor, Stephanie Rawlings-Blake also uses her talents as Secretary of the Democratic National Committee, the perfect springboard for seeking higher public office.

Stephanie Rawlings-Blake stated that her goal as mayor was to grow Baltimore by 10,000 families after she took over as mayor in 2010 in the wake of former Mayor Sheila Dixon resigning following her conviction for embezzling gift cards intended for the city’s poor.

With Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake at the helm, the city of Baltimore is in good hands. She seems to be proactively on top of everything as would be expected of an effective mayor of a large city. She also does it all with the style and grace of First Lady Michelle Obama.

Many Towns & Cities Are Being Taken Over By Dogs

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Where you stand depends on where you sit.

Dogwood, TX – In what some are seeing as a new national trend, the official new mayor of Dogwood, Texas is…a DOG! As they say, every dog has its day, and in this case, Baxter is his name and politics is his game.

All of his mayoral opponents described Baxter as pugnacious and doggedly optimistic. Others just call him one lucky dog since he seemed to be the clear underdog from the start of the race.

As a former shitty commissioner and having been very instrumental in getting the new Canine Voter Rights Legislation passed in the town of Dogwood, Baxter capitalized by capturing almost all of the doggy vote. Surprisingly, exit polling showed that most of the non-canine voters also preferred Baxter for Alpha-Mayor. “My wife and I both thought Baxter to be well-spoken and up on all the issues that were important to us” admitted Clarence Longhorn, who lives in Dogwood and who voted for the new Mutt-in-Chief.

Baxter, who once described attack-dog politics as a “dog eat dog world”, vowed to try and put an end to any canine cannibalism, which he says has been a real bone of contention in Texas. He will also work like a dog to help improve living conditions of all animals and humans living in Dogwood.

One of the first things Baxter did after taking office was to abolish the dogcatcher position and shut down the Dogwood Dog Pound, two of his carefully crafted campaign promises. He then ordered all fire hydrants to be freshly repainted.

Baxter, a pug from birth, is married to his lovely pug bitch, Miss Wendy. She describes Bax as a loveable little puppy dog underneath his outward alpha-male exterior. Miss Wendy intimates that “his bark is worse than his bite” even though they do have a “Beware of Dog” sign on their mayoral dog house.

Yawl are invited to join Baxter and his lovely bitch for a Meat & Greet at what is being called his Bark Mitzvah. One of his senior staffers says to expect “a grand Gala event complete with a variety of expensive doggy treats, and entertainment galore including Baxter’s favorite songs, “Black Dog” by Leash Zeppelin and “You Ain’t Nuttin But A Pug Dog” by Elvis Pugsley.

Baxter has some good advice for other canine mayoral candidates across the country:
1. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
2. Show that old dogs CAN learn new tricks.
3. Make sure you’re barking up the right tree.
4. Advertise your campaign on all restaurant doggy bags.
5. Have a clearly defined dogma explaining what you stand for, what you’ll sit for, and what you’ll lie down for.