Tag Archives: fmobserver

Poetry Contest Could Be Your Ticket

Write and send us a poem.

Eastern West Fargo, ND – Your FM Observer has unanimously voted to sponsor another poetry contest!

Simply gmail us a rhyming poem you’ve written, preferably about your self.

Based on the quantity and quality of responses, this will possibly affect the quantity and quality of any possible prizes.

Winning poems might be published on our award-winning website.

All poems will be read at our upcoming Poetic Getogether along with a small variety of snax and sundries.

If this-all somehow speaks to your inner poet, perhaps this is your big ticket.

If you’ve been waiting for your train to leave the station, maby it’s time for you to rhyme!

>> Our gmail address is: FMObserver

FMO’s Insurance Desk Now Offering Weekend Insurance!

FMO’s Weekend Insurance turns a bad weekend into a not-so-bad weekend :o)

Eastern West Fargo, Southeastern North Dakota Yes folks, you read it right! FM Observer (which shall be referred to as FMO, or The Company) has now directed our FMO Insurance Desk to offer our readers Weekend Insurance!

For a limited time, and for a limited time only, the FMO Insurance Desk will take in larger amounts of premium from you every month, and then pay you much smaller amounts of money if and when the weather totally ruins your weekend!

To those of you smart ones who select the No-Bullshit Upgrade: “It’s such a pity when the weekend turns shity” but at least you’ll be marginally compensated for it…but only if you have: FMO Weekend Insurance!

Jandro Gladstone: “I am a true believer in FMO’s Weekend Insurance, and I really like their No-Bullshit Upgrade, which is only $10 more per month!

So, just remember, if the weekend is a total loss (like this weekend), FMO’s Weekend Insurance might be just what you’re looking foralong with a free Bloody Mary to our first five customers!

FMO Insurance Desk’s Weekend Insurance: “When it rains, we’re your rainbow.” [Sorry, no pre-exisiting conditions allowed.]

Directions To Our FMO Corporate Headquarters For Reader Meet-N-Greet Parties

Our FMO Corporate Office Park can be reached from almost anywhere!

West Fargo, ND In appreciation of our beloved and faithful readers, your FM Observer will be hosting a sensational series of Reader Meet-N-Greets during each of the upcoming weekends.

Expensively fine free food will continually be served by our very own French Chef Jean-Claude Sorbonne including Loony Lobster Bisque, Polar Bear Patty Burgers, Midwest Carp Casserole, Red Rum Spicy Pie, and old-fashioned Butterscotch Pudding.

Fabulous door prizes will include: A vintage Vespa scooter, valuable paintings by Amsterdam Douglass, Get-out-of-Jail cards, one-way trips To Grand Forks, unopened cans of Spam, breeding pairs of Sugar Gliders, autographed and framed pictures of Dr. Willy Nilly, and lots more!

Live Music will be provided by The Double Negatives.

Amazingly accurate fortune tellings will be performed by Precog!

How to get to FMO Headquarters from almost anywhere: Turn right at the next light, drive 4.2 miles until you see a small house on a corner, turn left, and then simply follow our welcome signs. Enjoy! And thanks for reading the FM Observer

Here Is The Winner Of Our Annual Picture Of The Year Contest

FMO’s winning picture of the year! Semi Truckin’ by Tadd Wray of Sabin MN

West Fargo, ND – Amid mucho buzz and speculation, the winner of the FM Observer’s prestigious Picture Of The Year award was unveiled in the fabulous banquet room at our corporate headquarters.

Mr. Tadd Wray of rural Sabin, MN took home the top honors with his picture entitled Semi Truckin’.

Out of the thousands of pictures submitted to our Picture Of The Year department, this one really seemed to speak to the judges.

Tadd Wray: “I am truly humbled by this glorious win. Is there some sort of prize money that I get for winning?”

If you submitted a picture which did not win, and would like it back, please send us $50 for shipping and handling, along with your mailing information and perhaps a short paragraph about yourself.

FMO Considering Starting Our Own Line Of Wedding Anniversary Cards

Getting married is a big milestone. Staying married is a major miracle!

West Fargo, ND – As promised, your FM Observer is seriously pondering coming out of the closet with our own line of wedding anniversary cards.

We’ll make our final decision whether or not to do so based on your feedback. If you like our card ideas, we’ll probably launch the venture. If you don’t like our anniversary card ideas, then we’ll launch for sure – probably even with a big launch party!

♥ Your face is still my favorite face, except for my facebook page.

♥ Every time I do our laundry I discover new things about you.

♥ Happy Anniversary, Baby! I love you more than I did a year ago.

♥ I love everything about you, except for the things that really bother me.

♥ Even though you sometimes have a funny way of showing it, I know you still love me.

♥ Here’s 2 another year of being married 2 each other: I 2 you, you 2 me, K I S S I N G :o^

♥ I know it’s been a long tough year, but hopefully it will get a lot easier…for both of us.

♥ I know some things I do really bug you, but please don’t flush me from the toilet of your heart.

♥ Except for buying a dog, marrying you was the smartest thing I have ever done in my entire life!

♥ One year ago today, you made me the happiest person on earth, and I still kind of feel the same way.

♥ God gave you to me to be my love partner. Hopefully you and God feel the same way about me for you.

♥ Since we’ve now been married for another full year, let’s celebrate by getting drunk for one full week!

♥ I’m so lucky to have you to take care of me. Thanks for putting up with me during this last long year. Sorry!

♥ I still remember the way my heart leaped when you got down on your knee and asked me to be your spousemate. Thanks!

♥ This last year has been 365 days long. I’m so glad our marriage has somehow survived each and every day…and night.

♥ I never dreamed that loving you could bring so much love into my loveless heart of hearts until (and since) we got married by love.

♥ Amazingly, after getting to know you better over this last year, you are seriously quite amazing. Jokingly, you are also very amazing.

FMObserver Lost In The Wilderness For Forty Days

At times, we were not sure if we could ever find our way back.

Camp Wilderness – In case you had or hadn’t noticed, the FMObserver website was gone, missing in action, bye-bye for a rather long while. You could say we were lost in the internet wilderness, not much different from those wandering souls in the Blair Witch Project.

Losing a domain name is tantamount to losing your wallet, car, phone, family, and house all at the same time.

But just as a famous doctor of digestion once said: “All things will pass”, we are more than ecstatically relieved to report that the FMObserver, which once was lost, has now been found, born again, back from the dead, risen from the ashes, and is back online.

Now, the dream of our journey toward remaining the most respected and “absurdly observative” satirical fake-news agency can continue unimpeded and hopefully without further impediments.

Moral of the story: Keep all your passwords and PINs jotted down somewhere where someone can find them, in case you unexpectedly are suddenly summoned to your next realm.

Valuable Items For Sale At Inflated Prices

Call now and use promo code JUNK-17.

Junks, Louisiana – Our new retail affiliate Xing Xang Collectibles has now bargained-priced all remaining items for immediate liquidation.

Since all collectible items must be sold, take half off the already half off prices and then reduce that by another astounding 50%!

These items are guaranteed to be one of kind with less than a million produced in nondescript industrial park factories that have no windows nor exits.

You deserve the best as do all the people waiting to receive a nice gift from you.

Call now and ask for the Xing Xang bonus gift-of-the-day with any gift pack order!

FMO Hiring Day Will Be A Week From Next Month

We want to hire you but can only hire a few to add to our great crew and bring some blood that’s new.

West Fargo, ND – Yes, once again it’s almost Hiring Day at the FM Observer!

Because we’ve lost some impotent associates during this last hectically wonderful year, we’ll be looking to fill some key vacancies in our team line-up, including:

Assistant Vice President, Assistant to the Vice President, Rogue Reporter #2, Field Reporter #3, Head Sous Chef, Numerologist, Executive Psychic, Domestic Engineer, Drone Specialist, Press Secretariat, Safety Council Chairman, Assistant Paralegologist, Research Coordinator, Verbal Judo Bouncer, and Dog Whisperer.

Benefits of joining the FMO Team:
1. Free doggy daycare.
2. No pay and no bonuses.
3. Non-flexible schedules.
4. Team meeting inclusion.
5. No healthcare insurance.
6. Self Esteem booster shots.
7. Free coffee from 5:30-6:00 AM.
8. Focus and Purpose to your life.
9. English as a first language classes.
10. Joy from having found your Last Job.

Johnnny’s Fifth Retrospective (Posts 400-500)

My second one hundred posts.

My 5th 100 posts. Now I can begin to build an even longer fence!

Since 500 is such a nice round number, it was decided to use the occasion of my 500th post to take a trip back down memory lane.

So, it’s time once again to look back on Johnnny’s last 100 posts on your FM Observer.

All posts are listed as clickable hyperlinks in chronological order. Enjoy!

400. Johnnny’s Fourth 100 Posts
401. Obama First Family To Book A Room At Trump’s Turnberry Golf Resort
402. Fargo Woman Suing Led Zeppelin For Plagiarizing Her Song Kashmir
403. New Pizza Business To Specialize In Deliveries To Jails And Prisons
404. Psychic Predicts Large Number Of Fargo Sinkholes To Appear In The Coming Months
405. Photos By Fritz The Cat Opens In Moorhead
406. Black Lights Matter Has One Small Problem
407. Pokemon Parents Pleading Please Stop The Insanity
408. FMO’s First Annual Snackathon Eating Contest
409. Middle Finger Replaces Frown Face On Social Media
410. New Fargo Motorcycle Gang Called The Hell Monkeys
411. Bison Turf To Rise Again From The Ashes Bigger & Better Than Ever
412. Army Corps Of Engineers To Straighten Out Red River For Improved Flowability
413. Young Fargo Inventor Hits It Big On Shark Tank
414. West Acres Mall Stolen By Man Dressed As Security Guard
415. Zika Fears Creating Need For Last Minute Olympic Substitutes
416. Fisherman Catches Rainbow Trout On Internet Using Clickbait
417. Ask For Your Free Beer During Free Beer Week
418. Milkshakes Are A Great Way To Add Some Poundage
419. FMObserver Lights Candle For World Peace
420. Ryan Lochte Falsely Reports That Zika Caused His Hair Color Change
421. Fargo School Board Reveals Its List Of Lofty Goals For The Upcoming Year
422. Blake Shelton & Gwen Stefani To Stay In Guestroom Of Randomly Selected Fargo Home
423. Rolling Stones Latest New Hit Sympathy For Dementia
424. Florida Hurricane Giving Zika Mosquitos A Free Ride To The Entire East Coast
425. FMO Buys Gilligan’s Island For Our Readers
426. Most People In FM Area Consider Themselves To Be Above Average
427. FMO Helps Gary Johnson Answer The Question: What Is A Leppo?
428. Send A Basket Of Deplorables From Hillary’s Flower Shoppe
429. George Soros Admits To Being Emperor Palpatine
430. Police Turkeys Helping Moorhead Police Solve Crimes
431. Stephen King To Read Scary Books To Children At Fargo Library
432. Battle Of Wounded Knee Could Leave Adrian Peterson A Paralegal For The Rest Of His Life
433. Fargo Hires A Fourth Grader To Help Prevent System Hacking
434. If You See This Chipmunk, Contact Your Local Authorities Immediately
435. FMO To Host Incredible Meet & Greet Session With Carson Wentz
436. Boy Gets Suspended From School For Saying Shih-Tzu
437. New Meta-University Soon To Open In FM Area
438. Amnesia Support Group Forgets When & Where To Meet
439. Young Man Digging Fargo Diversion By Himself
440. During Another Moment Of Confusion, Hillary Says She’s Voting For Trump
441. Many Companies See Benefits To Adding Whack-A-Mole To Their Employee Break Rooms
442. Global Warmers Now Say Global Cooling Is Evidence Of Long Term Warming Trend
443. UFO Spotted Within Fargo City Limits
444. World Famous Scandinavian Folk Singer Coming To Fargo
445. Researchers Confirm That Thursday Is The New Friday
446. Gawk Tour Bus To Visit Pipeline Protest Site Without Getting Involved
447. Jason Bourne Moving Back To North Dakota After Learning His Identity
448. Husband Living In Doghouse Learns To Do Tricks For Treats
449. West Fargo Garage Band Hits Big Time After Being Discovered By Leonardo Dicaprio
450. Fargo Man Returns To Life After Clocks Changed Back One Hour
451. Vote For Vivian Nutwrangler Because She Wants What You Want
452. President Trump Puts Pink Floyd In Charge Of Building The Wall
453. Lutheran Social Service Bringing In Many Mice From MN Lakes Area Due To Lack Of Acorns There
454. Super Moon Proves It’s Moving Closer To Earth
455. Facebook To Begin Charging Users A $30 Monthly Usage Fee
456. Harambe’s Family To Sue Zoo Who Blew Him To Timbuktu
457. Fargo Psychic Wins Lottery For Ninth Time
458. Elderly Fargo Man Arrested For Driving 29MPH On I-29
459. Hatchimal Hoarders Selling This Year’s Hot Items Out Of Their Basement
460. Twelve New Words Being Added To FMO’s Dictionary
461. Some FM Area Businesses Allowing Use Of Cookies As Fungible Barter Tool
462. Eggnog Support Groups Now Forming For The Holiday Season
463. Bigfoot Spotted Wandering Around Just Outside Of Moorhead
464. Some Useful Phrases When Travelling To Norway
465. An Online Christmas Card You Can Send To A Friend
466. Man Found Living Inside Fargo Piano
467. After Devastating Loss, NDSU Bison Football Program To Be Cancelled
468. FMO’s Award Winning List Of Things To Do During The Holiday Season
469. Global Cooling Forces Fargo To Purchase Ice Breaker For Red River
470. Vikings’ Plane Misses Green Bay Runway Wide Left
471. Federal Affordable Cheese Act Providing Free Cheese From US Government
472. Fargo’s Ice Maze Is Free Freezing Fun
473. Recently Discovered Neanderthal Man Suing For Being Called Neanderthal
474. First 2017 Fargo Newborn Gets A Carson Wentz Tattoo
475. Prince Look-A-Like Also Loves Purple
476. Fargo To Get Its Very Own Soap Opera
477. Fargo Man Becomes Very Attached To His Brick
478. Public Service Announcements #1
479. Recounts Show That Jill Stein Won The Election
480. Ways To Stay Warm During A North Dakota Winter
481. Fargo Facebook Families Fatally Fear Fifty Foot Fast Flood Forecast
482. Fargo Teen Accidentally Creates An Actual Wormhole In His Bedroom
483. Volunteers Needed To Test New Bullet Proof Jackets
484. President Trump To Make Salvation Army Part Of US Military
485. Public Service Announcements #2
486. New Fargo Religious Radio Station To Broadcast Only In Tongues
487. Local Youth Has Read Every Book In The Fargo Public Library
488. Large School Bus Full Of Illegal Aliens To Pass Between Earth And Moon
489. UND Offering Classes On How To Wake Up & Get Out Of Bed
490. After Trump Converts To Mormonism He Plans To Add Another First Lady
491. One Of The Most Anticipated Ads During The Super Bowl Is For ‘The Super Bowl’
492. New Downtown Fargo Bar/Restaurant To Provide Horse Stables For Its Cowboy Patrons
493. Fargo North Dakota Seeking To Copyright The Word ‘Fargo’
494. Public Service Announcements #3
495. FMO Planning An Exciting Bus Tour Excursion For Our Readers To The Fossil Fish Festival
496. Glyndon MN Considering Covering Entire Town With A Clear Dome
497. Pinochle Players Spending Most Of The Time Arguing About Trump
498. Ambien User Somnambulates To Ex-Wife’s House To Ask For Nullification Of Divorce
499. Rural Fargo Man Cornered By Moose For A Really Really Long Time

Twelve New Words Being Added To FMO’s Dictionary

The FMO Dictionary keeps growing just like our national debt.

The FMO Dictionary keeps growing just like our national debt.

West Fargo, ND – As you know, at the end of each year we look back and decide what words should be added to our FMO Lexicon.

Since its first publication back in 1879, our dictionary has grown into quite a load especially if being carried to skool in a backpack.

So, without any further ado, here are the new entries being added to the FMO Lexicon for 2016:

1. FM Observer + veranda = FM observeranda… The place at our corporate headquarters from whence we look down upon the entire Fargo-Moorhead area and society in general.

2. FM Observer + verb = FM observerb… These are action words that help keep us motivated and moving forward to bring you the latest in true fake news. Some of our posts may be fake but at least they’re true fake.

3. FM Observer + verbal = FM observerbal… This is the type of communication that we yell at other drivers when they’re testing our inclination for road rage.

4. FM Observer + verbose = FM observerbose… This is when we get too many words stuck in our mouth at once when trying to express a complicated thought like Obamacare.

5. FM Observer + verdict = FM observerdict… This is what the judge hands down which decides whether we go home or get to stay for free at the county’s hotel for wayward citizens.

6. FM Observer + verge = FM observerge… This is when we are on the cusp of a major announcement such as: We just once again won the best website on the internet award for the third time in a row!

7. FM Observer + verify = FM observerify… This is what we do with all facts gathered prior to deciding whether or not to write a truly fake news story.

8. FM Observer + vermin = FM observermin… Is what we call problematic animals to society. Also, it was the original name for what Hillary recently referred to as a basket of deplorables.

9.FM Observer + versatile = FM observersatile… This is how we describe ourselves when we have to wear many hats in order to not be recognized by those who may be looking for us in a crowd.

The more words we add, the more colorful it gets.

The more words we add, the more colorful it gets.

10. FM Observer + verse = FM observerse… This is the style that we sometimes try to write in to make it sound like we graduated from college with honors.

11. FM Observer + vertebrate = FM observertebrate… This is something that (or someone who) has a backbone in order to stand tall during times of distress such as an IRS audit.

12. FM Observer + vertical = FM observertical… This is the direction the rocket carrying our FMO satellite into space will hopefully go so that worldwide readers can easily follow what’s truly happening on the FM Observer.