West Fargo, ND – Here are your Public Service Announcements from the FM Observer for the weeks of February 8 to February 22 in order of first to last:
☺Nome Fletcher would like to challenge anyone to fight him in his garage. Nome is suffering from Hypofightroid Disease and finds that physical pummelling tends to calm him down over time.
☺Dr. Pat Markus who has been studying how to hypnotize people will be doing a free workshop on how to start smoking cigarettes. Dr. Markus asks all interested guinea pigs to show up at the school gym and please remember to bring some smokes and a lighter.
☺Mildred Hazlitt needs someone to help her re-organize her kitchen cupboards. She thinks there might be some out-dated items in the hard-to-reach back areas which maybe haven’t been touched since 1951.
☺Stumpy Elsdorf is wondering if anyone would lend him a gun for the weekend. Stumpy has some unfinished business to attend to and promises to return the gun if he is still alive on Monday.
☺The Noxmeyer family needs a clown to show up at little Tommy’s birthday party which will be held at Chuck-E-Cheese on Wednesday at 4PM. Since little Tommy is quite afraid of clowns after going to the circus, the Noxmeyers are asking for no funny business.
☺Judd Cluff found an old collection of used Halloween masks in his attic and is willing to sell them for almost nothing so he can buy himself a new dog after Wuffer died of boredom.
☺Connie Weltan is trying to plan her wedding but cannot get any firm commitments to be bridesmaids for the ceremony. If you would like to be in Connie’s wedding party, please show up for the rehearsal on Thursday afternoon at the church right after the Judge Judy Show is over.
☺Konrad Butner will be auctioning off a King James Bible which is believed to have been autographed by King James himself. The silent auction will take place in Konrad’s living room. Please bring a non-perishable food item for Konrad’s kitchen and remember to be quiet.
☺Jevon Rydzynski will be giving away his favorite ant farm since his potential girl friend says she won’t enter his apartment until he “gets rid of the damn thing”.
☺The Friendship Circle Of Hope will be hosting a Nihilism Support Group for those who have nothing going on in their lives and who also believe that nothing plus nothing equals nothing.