Tag Archives: announcements

Fargo Man Won’t Confirm Nor Deny That He’s Running For President

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Will I or won’t I? Shall I or shan’t I? These are the tough questions facing Fargo’s Rinfret Pounders.

Fargo, ND – At this time, Fargo native Rinfret Pounders will neither confirm or deny that he is planning on running for president of the United States in the next presidential election.

Speculation surrounding the 35-year-old Fargo native continues to swirl while a decision to run or not by Rinfret Pounders is still completely up in the air.

Mr. Pounders’ best friend and chief campaign strategist is Pruner Steindorf, who recently leaked:

“At this juncture, Mr. Rinfret Pounders may or may not be running for president. We are leaving all options on the table, if you will.”

Curiously, all of the letters in Rinfret Pounders and Pruner Steindorf can somehow be re-arranged to spell: Run For President!

FMO’s Public Service Announcements For The Weeks Of February 8-22

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Contact FMO’s PSA Department if you have something to add to our next PSA listing.

West Fargo, ND – Here are your Public Service Announcements from the FM Observer for the weeks of February 8 to February 22 in order of first to last:

☺Nome Fletcher would like to challenge anyone to fight him in his garage. Nome is suffering from Hypofightroid Disease and finds that physical pummelling tends to calm him down over time.

☺Dr. Pat Markus who has been studying how to hypnotize people will be doing a free workshop on how to start smoking cigarettes. Dr. Markus asks all interested guinea pigs to show up at the school gym and please remember to bring some smokes and a lighter.

☺Mildred Hazlitt needs someone to help her re-organize her kitchen cupboards. She thinks there might be some out-dated items in the hard-to-reach back areas which maybe haven’t been touched since 1951.

☺Stumpy Elsdorf is wondering if anyone would lend him a gun for the weekend. Stumpy has some unfinished business to attend to and promises to return the gun if he is still alive on Monday.

☺The Noxmeyer family needs a clown to show up at little Tommy’s birthday party which will be held at Chuck-E-Cheese on Wednesday at 4PM. Since little Tommy is quite afraid of clowns after going to the circus, the Noxmeyers are asking for no funny business.

☺Judd Cluff found an old collection of used Halloween masks in his attic and is willing to sell them for almost nothing so he can buy himself a new dog after Wuffer died of boredom.

☺Connie Weltan is trying to plan her wedding but cannot get any firm commitments to be bridesmaids for the ceremony. If you would like to be in Connie’s wedding party, please show up for the rehearsal on Thursday afternoon at the church right after the Judge Judy Show is over.

☺Konrad Butner will be auctioning off a King James Bible which is believed to have been autographed by King James himself. The silent auction will take place in Konrad’s living room. Please bring a non-perishable food item for Konrad’s kitchen and remember to be quiet.

☺Jevon Rydzynski will be giving away his favorite ant farm since his potential girl friend says she won’t enter his apartment until he “gets rid of the damn thing”.

☺The Friendship Circle Of Hope will be hosting a Nihilism Support Group for those who have nothing going on in their lives and who also believe that nothing plus nothing equals nothing.

FMO’s Public Service Announcements For The Fortnight Of January 24 To February 7

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Contact FMO’s PSA Department if you have something to add to our next PSA listing.

West Fargo, ND – Here are your Public Service Announcements offered freely and voluntarily from the FM Observer for the weeks of January 24 to February 7 in no particularly discernable order:

☺Clem Erdman has begun selling Acme cleaning products that are almost guaranteed to be the best cleaning products you have ever boughten [sic] from a sidewalk salesman.

☺The Job Training Centre will be offering free instruction for the following jobs: Chimney Sweeps, Sewer Inspectors, High-Altitude Window Washers, Grave Diggers, and Paralegals.

☺Martha Wippler has a decorative vase that she would like to give to a good home. She says it was given to her by her aunt Betsy Maye who went to Korea in search of an adoptee.

☺Dawn Slanders will be hosting a live cooking demonstration at the former Piggly Wiggly grocery store. Dawn will be sharing her secrets on how to make toast.

☺The Family Walk-In Clinic is planning a free seminar on what to do with your pain medications that have passed their expiration date.

☺Stanley Flash needs someone to help him figure out how to use the new smartphone which was recently sent to Stan by his son Jumpin’ Jack.

☺Is your gambling problem causing problems at home? Join a roundtable discussion group which meets at the Black Jack tables in the Bamboo Lounge every Thursday night from 8 until midnight.

☺Debi Tica has 30 cases of Diet Coke for sale for only $2 per case after Debi recently got diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes.

☺Now that the spring melt has begun, Ernie Munnie needs someone to clean up his back yard where his dog Biscuits spends a lot of time barking at nothing.

☺The Integration Institute will be teaching English as a second language specifically for people from Somalia. Baro inaad Ingiriisi wax wanaagsan ku hadal.

☺Euell Eskelson has a few openings for ukelele lessons. Euell claims he can teach anyone to play ukelele like a pro in less than a year.

☺The Caregiver Support Group will be having a wine tasting party featuring 18 wines from the Upper Midwest region. Participants will be invited to vote for their top ten favorite wines.

FMO’s BiWeekly Public Service Announcements

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Contact FMO’s PSA Department if you have something to add to our next PSA listing.

West Fargo, ND – Here is this biweekly’s rendition of your FM Observer’s mandatory Public Service Announcements, offered freely to you, our beloved readers, under the strict strictures of the PSA Regulatory Council of America, Section VI, Code 9, Clausette B-12, where it clearly states: Thou shalt offer thy beloved readers free Public Service Announcements of your own volition and in accordance with The Regulatory Council of America.

Here are your Public Service Announcements for the week of January 7-18, 2017 (in some particular order):

☺Edna Adams will be hosting a Book Discussion Club in her basement on Tuesdays. The first book Edna would like to discuss is The Bible.

☺Carl Doofkins has a rabbit he would like to find a home for. The Doofster says it makes a good pet or tastes great sauted in a white wine garlic deglaze.

☺Melvin and Marvin Hankster want to sell everything in their basement. They do not believe their black mold problem should negatively affect anything down there.

☺Arlene Sorna would like to thank everyone for helping look for her cat. Unfortunately, Felixia was picked up by a bald eagle and taken to an undisclosed location.

☺Glenn and Marleen Gagsetter will be hosting a family getogether in their garage on Sunday. Please bring a treat to share while remembering that Marleen is gluten-free and Glenn is glutton-free.

☺Jeni Topkins is offering baby-sitting services to help pay for her trip to Colorado.

☺Alvin Damner is looking for a replacement chainsaw blade for his Model 1100 X-Pro after his last one came flying off while Alvin was trying to jimmy-rig his galvanized steel compression pipes.

☺The graduation party for Tim Nugator has been postponed again since it does not look like graduation will be in Tim’s near future.

☺Max Glanders thinks he might have lost his cellphone near The Northern Gentlemen’s Club. Please call Max if you found it. Max’s cellphone number is: 555-555-5555.

☺Doreen Bunglower will not be hosting Bridge Club on Wednesday because she wants to watch the Harry Conick Jr. television show that day since Michael Bolton is the scheduled special guest.

☺In honor of Sid Bumer’s 90th birthday, his family is planning a surprise party for Sid. All guests are asked to dress in crazy costumes and wait quietly in the dining room until Sid wakes up from his afternoon nap.

Wedding Announcement

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Mommen-Gorftaggel wedding

Blychen Mommen and Peatus Gorftaggel, Harwood, ND, will be exchanging their vows and bodily fluids this October!

Blychen is the daughter of Phipp and Joonto Mommen, Meckville, ND. Peatus is the son of Belchrod and Veela Gorftaggel, Plackers, MN.

Blychen graduated in 2009 from Meckville High and in 2010 she attended North Dakota State School of Logistic Studies. She is currently employed as a Logician at Northwood Regional Institute of Logic.

Peatus graduated in 2008 from Plackers Learning Center and Halfway House. In 2010 he attended Western Minnesota School of Hard Knocks. He is currently employed as a Clay County Beard Wrangler.

An October 11th wedding and reception are planned at Uncle Gleet’s Love Palace, Beige Sack, MN.