Will I or won’t I? Shall I or shan’t I? These are the tough questions facing Fargo’s Rinfret Pounders.
Fargo, ND – At this time, Fargo native Rinfret Pounders will neither confirm or deny that he is planning on running for president of the United States in the next presidential election.
Speculation surrounding the 35-year-old Fargo native continues to swirl while a decision to run or not by Rinfret Pounders is still completely up in the air.
Mr. Pounders’ best friend and chief campaign strategist is Pruner Steindorf, who recently leaked:
“At this juncture, Mr. Rinfret Pounders may or may not be running for president. We are leaving all options on the table, if you will.”
Curiously, all of the letters in Rinfret Pounders and Pruner Steindorf can somehow be re-arranged to spell: Run For President!
Fargo, ND—Are you familiar with the term “social injustice”? It’s used to classify the perceived unfairness taking place in society today. Depending on who you ask, it happens all the time. For instance: take one glance at FOX News or MSNBC and you’ll be shown a controversial political viewpoint you’re either fine with or you’re not. These types of ideologies are ok with Fargo man Ed Wiltz.
“Elected officials are placed in this position of power by us, the voters. Far as I’m concerned, they can do what they want once they get there,” explained Wiltz as an exhausted look fell over his face. Wiltz trusts the oftentimes bizarre decision-making process of political parties like the GOP, even though they make him scratch his head. “They like to come down on the gays and the minorities and women. And that’s fine, I suppose. Gays don’t need to be happy. Minorities don’t need to flourish. Women don’t need to decide who does their plumbing.”
Wiltz, 72, has been alive long enough to see the differences in governmental practice over the years. “Back when I was your age, son, I saw other races get physically pushed to their emotional limits by way of segregation. Now’days, segregation’s gone, but government’s found other ways of shoving minorities into the corner. They don’t even have to touch ’em.”
Wiltz continued to declare that the injustice is incremental in that it’s perpetrated by the 1% in tiny, unattainable spurts and is not something we peasants have the ability to fight, but we should try anyway.
Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.
Fargo, ND – Rick Santorum has taken home the most votes in North Dakota’s statewide Republican caucuses. Or in Rick Santorum’s own words, “Satan has his sights on the United States of America.” Only this time it’s North Dakota. In what can only be considered an apocalyptic event, the entire population in the state of North Dakota has seem to come down with a sickness called ‘Critically Stupid’. Sadly at this time, there is no cure for this devastating sickness. North Dakota can only hope Santorum’s best friend, who goes by the name of God, can help cure this disease.