‘Black Lights Matter’ Has One Small Problem

July 13th, 2016 | by Johnnny
Blacklight Smatter

Blacklight Smatter

Fargo, ND – A number of people in the North Fargo area had recently replaced their normally white porch lights with blacklights to show support for the Black Lights Matter movement.

Not only did this look real cool but it showed that these neighborhoods cared with this expression of solidarity for a trending national cause.

Unfortunately, in practical terms, the dimly lit streets in these areas have allowed the crime rate to dramatically increase.

The number of robberies, burglaries, break-ins, car-jackings, and muggings more than tripled overnight ever since the brighter white lights were replaced with the blacklights.

Kimbrell Scavetta, a spokesperson for Black Lights Matter commented: “We have no comment at this time about this matter, although I will say that we positively disagree with any negativity directed towards Black Lights Matter as a result of these unsubstantiated statistical findings.”

Moral of the story: Sometimes trying to support national causes causes more problems rather than helping to solve problems.


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Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express.