Tag Archives: bitcoin

Area Man Finds Bitcoin In McDonald’s Happy Meal

Leave a reply

If you found one of these in a McDonald’s happy meal, jump up and yell “cowabunga” then try to cash it in on the Darkweb Blockchain. Or, you could wait til bitcoin is worth a few thousand more, then figure it out. Up to you.

Moorhead, MN – Moorhead man Greithan Cutstash considers himself a lucky duck. Now he’s quacking about it.

Lucky enough was Greithan to find what appears to be a genuine bitcoin nestled inside a McDonald’s happy meal he bought for his son, Mance. “Bah gawd, that looks like one a them bit-things I seen about in the news,” he said when he noticed young Mance attempting to feed a large, fancy-looking coin to his dog. Turns out it was, in fact, one of many actual physical bitcoins minted around 2010.

As legend would have it: Some years ago, back when bitcoin was just getting going, McDonald’s tried giving them away in happy meals as a publicity stunt. At that time they were only worth a few cents. When the promotion started, kids were unimpressed to find a useless hunk of metal in with their chicken McNuggets. Parents were equally displeased. Needless to say, the promotion was short-lived and not all those bitcoins were sent out.

Wrick Zapruda. Bitcoin Knower-Abouter.

The zany story continues: A box of two dozen bitcoins was dispatched in happy meals by a Moorhead McDonald’s very recently. How? How could a small town McD’s be sitting on a veritable digital-to-physical crypto gold mine of sorts? Store manager Bilhelm Noisewater, who chose to remain nameless, claims they found themselves digging through storage for trinkets after running out of happy meal Pokemon a few days ago. What did they find? A box of “fake gold coins” encased in plastic. Perfect! Get those shiny nick-nacks into the happy meals before the shipment of Pokemon arrives tomorrow, he said. And out the drive thru window went roughly (at the time of this writing) $200,000.

So check those happy meal toys! If you notice little Timmy playing with a coin that looks like monopoly money, you could be (at the time of this writing) $8,235.01 richer.

Area Man Says He Can 3-D Print Your Bitcoin

Leave a reply

Bitcoin. Money, we guess.

Fargo, ND – For a non-nominal fee, an area man will turn your crypto-currency into physical currency for you to spend willfully on the black market or anywhere else they recognize this monopoly money. 

Cryptocurrency, which is somehow tradeable, exists on a metaphysical dataplane known as the blockchain. That might all sound utterly baffling, but not to area man Wrick Zaprudia. He’s got a handle on this cyber hustle and says he can convert that blockchained crypto into actual physical currency. 

Wrick Zaprudia. Bitcoin Knower-Abouter.

When asked how in the blue hell this printer can possibly convert crypto-coin into spendable money, Zaprudia went on a garbled data-tangent none of us here at FM Observer could completely grasp. “Without getting too technical–because your 20th-century brain probably can’t decipher it–it works like this. My 3D printer de-hashes your blockchained crypto-ledger into calculable ones and zeros. These codes, or bits as they are more commonly known, get fed into my printer’s 3-dimensional dot-matrix and converted into bit………..coin. Got it? Or should I start over? That’ll be $781.50.”

Once your bitcoin is produced, you can then make a laughable attempt to spend it at your local gas station or department store but I bet they’ll look at you like you are from the planet Bitcoinia. Your crypto-money is no good here you kook, they’ll say. I can’t change one bitcoin. Dead presidents or get out of my store.

At the time of this publication, one Bitcoin is somehow worth an inconceivable $11154.23.