Obama Administration Approves Keystone Light Pipeline

Washington, DC—The Observer has learned that after months and months of careful consideration, President Obama has approved the final piece of the Keystone Light® pipeline. The proposed “phase 4” development, which will complete the structure and pump buttloads of Keystone Light® to homes across the midwest and Canada, has officially been given the go-ahead.

“This state-of-the-art liquid transport implementation is fully permitted to move forward,” the White House stated during their morning press conference.

It would appear that the Obama Administration is ruling in favor of the smooth-but-never-bitter flavor of Keystone Light® over the sensitive natural resources in Kansas impacted by the pipeline infrastructure.

Locals across the midwest are gearing up for Keystone Light®’s arrival. Fargo resident Coll Prushpeed is excited to re-purpose his countertop keg tap once the Keystone Light® goes live. “I use this to dispense beer from my fridge but hey, comin’ out of the wall pretty soon,” exclaimed Prushpeed.

Coors Brewing Company© estimates that Keystone Light® will begin flowing through your pipes as early as fall 2016.