Fanatical Mathematical Radical Goes On Problematical Sabbatical

October 28th, 2014 | by Johnnny
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What is the square root of apple pi?

Fargo, ND – An overly-zealous Fargo math teacher has been suspended from teaching.

Students in Mr. Cal Cuelator’s third grade class had been complaining of having a steady heavy load of math homework assignments.

Parents of these students also were bitching about the unusually large workload their kids were bringing home every night.

Apparently the parents were being asked by their children to help figure out increasingly difficult math word problems.

Ms. Shirley Buxom: “These word problems Timmy was asking me to help him with started out at the add and subtract level but somehow quickly moved to the college calculus level! How the hell is my little Timmy supposed to figure out the decreasing rate of gravitational pull on a fricking weather balloon that’s ascending at an average rate of 32 feet per second per second?!”

When asked about his teaching methods, Cal argued: “I am simply trying to prepare these children for the real world where they will have to compete for jobs with kids from other countries in order to bring home the bacon.”

For now, Mr. Cuelator has been suspended with partial pay for a finite amount of time. However, he is fighting the School Board on just how that partial pay is calculated and the finiteness of the suspension period.

On a daily basis, School Board members are being mailed to their homes example word problems demonstrating the resulting differences in pay calculation methods and their effects on the long-term outcomes of total pay depending on the number of months involved, which they are then asked to mail back to Mr. Cal Cuelator so he can check their work for accuracy.


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Contributing writer since January, 2013. I've been described by myself as a piano-playing omnivore who hates typos but loves chocolate milk in his coffee. As a Life Coach, some lessons I like to pass onto others are: 1. don't stare at strangers, especially in jail, 2. don't leave fun to find fun, 3. never pet a burning dog, 4. don't eat more than you can lift, and 5. when in doubt, jot it down. Click on any picture in my posts to see them in their full glory. All have been tweaked with either PicMonkey.com or Pixlr.com/Express or Lunapic.com :o)