Fargo, ND—For the third consecutive year, Tommy and his father Craig have stopped by your house unannounced to try and sell you some junk publication you’ll never read. And for the third consecutive year, your cheap ass said no.

“Hi. I was wondering if you’d like to make a small purchase? I am selling candy, popcorn, magazines–” little Tommy started out as you interrupted his opener with a stern “Not interested, thank you.”

Your penny-pinching butt wasted no time shutting down Tommy, crushing his fragile little ego in the process as his father scowled at you from behind. The look of sheer dejection on his face apparently meant nothing to you…? They were just trying to make a quick buck for their school program, you tightwad.

At press time, the Observer is predicting that you also intend on ignoring trick-or-treaters this Halloween. We will update this story as we learn more.