Tag Archives: alert

What To Do After Receiving A Presidential Alert Message

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Put your gas mask on first, and then assist those around you with theirs.

Yourtown, America – If you’re wondering what to do immediately after receiving a Presidential Alert on your smartphone from the National Wireless Emergency Alert System, simply follow these simple steps which were prepared by FEMA:

Do not panic!

Locate your Presidential Alert gas mask.

Quickly put on your Presidential Alert gas mask according to the 8-page FEMA instruction pamphlet.

If you don’t have a gas mask, either borrow one from someone who does, or jimmy-rig one out of a clean dish towel.

Assist others around you to put on their Presidential Alert gas masks.

If outdoors, get inside a sturdy building as quickly as possible.

Go to the lowest area of a building, preferably one without any windows or doors.

Lay down on the floor in the fetal position while monitoring your smartphone.

If possible, pull any available blankets or tables over you for additional protection.

Remain calm and in place for 30-45 minutes while breathing normally.

Then, if all is well, resume normal activities.

Tsunami False Alarm Issued For State Of North Dakota

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The legendary state of North Dakota receives its first ever Tsunami Warning.

Bismarck, ND – Even though it did seem a bit odd at the time, a Tsunami Warning was issued for the entire state of North Dakota.

Without thinking, many folks in North Dakota did have a panicky knee-jerk reaction to the warning, which read: “Tsunami Alert – Listen To Radio: This is not a test!”

Lester Schnopgaard told us that after getting his entire family up onto their roof, he then began to wonder: “Hey, how could a tsunami hit North Dakota, and where the heck would the water be coming from?”

Most people who tuned into the radio only heard some country music or a night-time discussion about how aliens have taken over the White House.

About 28 minutes after the Tsunami Warning was issued, it was then cancelled, which was a huge relief to Lester Schnopgaard and the entire state of North Dakota.

Man Who Caused Hawaii Missile Mishap Admits He May Have Pushed The Wrong Button

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Control Room may have too many buttons, and not enough ash trays.

Pearl Harbor, Hawaii – After finding the man who may be responsible for causing Hawaii’s 38 minutes of mass missile-mishap manic panic, we are now finding out more about how it may have happened.

Tong Turnbow does admit he may have accidentally hit the wrong button, but quickly follows that up with the problem being “too many buttons”.

“I have complained many times that this control room seems to have way too many buttons, half of which no one knows what they do!” says Mr. Turnbow who also believes he has been over-worked and under-paid for years.

Mr. Turnbow did also mention the Emergency Alert button may have inadvertently been pushed when he was reaching for a beer while having his morning smoke break.

Ironically, all the letters in Tong Turnbow can somehow be re-arranged to spell: Wrong Button!