Tag Archives: breaking news

Man Tweaks Life Plan After Doctor Tells Him He May Not Live Forever

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Fargo man is totally stunned upon learning that he may not live forever.

Fargone, ND – When Mr. Verner Foot walked into his doctor’s office, he was honestly thinking that he would live forever.

When this came up during office visit conversation, his doctor gently broke the news to Verner that the chances of not living forever are about 100%.

Mr. Foot is his own words: “What the hell?! This is certainly news to me. Well, yeah, this definitely changes things, in a rather major way!”

When we asked Verner Foot what sort of life changes he’s planning on making based on this new information, he said: “Pretty much everything, except for diet and lifestyle.”

Anagramically, all the letters in Verner Foot can be mixed around to spell: Not Forever!

Vikings Place Sam Bradford On Injured Reserve And Activate Debra Getty-Widder

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Debra Getty-Widder: NFL’s first female quarterback is more than ready to step up!

Viking, MN – The Minnesota Vikings’ quarterback controversy seems to finally be resolving itself in dramatic fashion.

Whilst Sam Bradford is heading to the Injured Reserve list, the Minisoda Vikings have signed Debra Getty-Widder who will not only be the Viking’s new starting quarterback but also the first female quarterback in the history of the national football league.

Debra was understandably unavailable for comment after fully participating in practices this week, however Coach Mike Zimmer did tell us: “Debra has done great in practice, seems to move well, and is throwing the ball very accurately. Now we just want to get everybody feeling comfortable with the new situation.”

Ironically, all the letters in Debra Getty-Widder can be re-arranged to spell: Teddy Bridgewater!