Tag Archives: dachshund

Ambien User Somnambulates To X-Wife’s House To Ask For Nullification Of Divorce

Best not to sleep and walk concurrently.

Moorhead, MN – After taking more than the prescribed normal dosage of Ambien to help him fall asleep, Victor Rishikof walked in his sleep to the home of his ex-wife while only wearing a bath robe.

Once there, Victor repeatedly rang the doorbell at around three in the morning.

His ex-wife Sheila eventually answered the door after all the kids had woken up along with her seven dachshunds who were quite worked up into a tizzy as you can imagine.

Sleeping Victor kept standing at the door pushing the doorbell while continuously mumbling that he wanted an immediate nullifcation of their recent divorce.

A confused Victor woke up the next day in jail, listed as the adverse party on a restraining order, and suffering from extreme frostbite.

Moral of the story: During periods of global cooling, if recently divorced, wear long underwear prior to taking any nonbenzodiazepines.

US Military Top-Secret Balloon Dog On The Loose

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Runaway dog answers to the name Schnitzel.

Harrisburg, PA – A very large runaway military doggy balloon was recently seen in the skies around Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.

The giant brownish wiener dog-shaped balloon is reportedly for a special military mission to “smell out” trouble.

It’s radar technology is as sensitive as it is expensive (over $200,000,000).

Unfortunately, this top-secret balloon dog somehow broke free from its leash and decided to go looking for some friends or perhaps a very large fire hydrant.

If you happen to see this 200 foot dog-shaped balloon (who answers to the name Schnitzel), please call your local Dog Catcher for immediate assistance.

Fargo Man Accused Of Illegally Cloning Dachshunds For Profit

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Just imagine, hundreds of Dachshunds all named Pickles!

Fargo, ND – Mr. Clemont Dill of rural Fargo is being charged with the illegal cloning of a Dachshund.

He supposedly has cloned his favorite dog, Pickles, over 250 times.

Mr. Dill claims that Pickles has won many Best-In-Show awards and that he simply wanted to make some extra cash by selling Pickles to others.

At $200 per clone, Clemont would pocket roughly $50,000.

Unfortunately, cloning Dachshunds is a felony under North Dakota law.

Mr. Dill’s attorney is insistent that his client is completely innocent of all charges, although he does agree that there are many Dachshunds on the Dill property which all look exactly the same and who all respond to the name Pickles.