Tag Archives: escape

Family Trapped In Fargo Escape Room For Weeks

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If you don’t escape from an Escape Room, then you’re trapped like rats, up a creek without a paddle.

Fargo, ND – A family that tried to find their way out of an Escape Room ended up being lost and forgotten for a number of weeks.

Ms. Paulette Soules along with her husband and their three children apparently were not up to the Escape Room challenge.

Unfortunately, when their problem solving skills weren’t good enough to help them think outside the box, they somehow got forgotten in some hidden back room with no doors or windows but which luckily had a refrigerator that was fully stocked with beer and various snack foods.

Ironically, all of the letters in Paulette Soules can be re-arranged to spell: Please, let us out!

Bad Red Panda Gets Solitary Confinement After Escaping From The Red River Zoo

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To teach the bad Red Panda a lesson, Sheffield will spend 40 days in The Hole.

Fargone, ND – After a bad Red Panda named Sheffield escaped from the Red River Zoo, the head warden for the zoo felt he needed to send a very strong message to all of the rest of the zoo inmates.

For escaping from the zoo, their bad Red Panda named Sheffield will get forty (40) days in solitary confinement, and its provisions will be limited to only bamboo shoots, bamboo leaf tips, and various insects.

Warden Nowlan Paddock in his own words: “If we have to play hardball, we will certainly play hardball, in order to dissuade other animal inmates from even thinking about escaping from our colorful Red River Zoo Prism System.”

During the escape, after a few tense hours while Sheffield was possibly terrorizing nearby neighborhoods and causing temporary pandamonium, Zoo guards cleverly coaxed Sheffield down from a tree outside the zoo by bribing the bad Red Panda with its favorite cigarettes, expensive imported rum, and various Chinese candies.

Ironically, all of the letters in Nowlan Paddock can be re-arranged to spell: Panda Lockdown!

Man Dies When Far-Sighted Reptile Mistakes Him For Large Rodent

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Large legally-blind lizard mistakenly devours small neighbor man like a rodent snack.

Dilworth, MN – The Minnesota Animal Task Force has reported that a large reptilian pet that escaped from its steel cage gradually wandered over into a nearby neighbor’s yard where it consumed a small man.

The victim was a diminutive gentleman by the name of Dr. Nome Fletcher, a retired motivational speaker who lived alone after his entire family joined Scientology.

The reptile was a full-grown monitor lizard whose name was Mahluq, which is the Uzbeki word for ‘monster’.

The reptile’s owner, Umid Ruslan, explained that his pet monitor lizard Mahluq had always had a hard time seeing things close up as it suffered from hyperopia when Umid adopted him from the Humane Society.

Mahluq’s owner believes that his monitor lizard maybe mistook Dr. Fletcher for some sort of rodent such as a capybara or perhaps even a nutria.

“I had always wanted to get Mahluq some glasses,” said Umid regretfully, “but there’s just not a lot of places that make eyeglasses for monitor lizards.”