Tag Archives: fargoans

‘The Fargo Syndrome’ Beginning To Affect Many Fargoans

Suffering from the Fargo Syndrome can cause suffering from the Fargo Syndrome.

Fargo, ND – Many clinics have begun reporting cases of people suffering from the effects of The Fargo Syndrome.

Doctors say it is comes from a fermenting combination of: the long cold winter, a lack of sun and warm fresh air, a depressing sense that you’re living out in the middle of nowhere, and how terribly the Minnesota Vikings season ended.

If you think you might be starting to feel the toxic effects of The Fargo Syndrome, either turn on all your lights, call a friend, go shopping, book a flight to Cancun, or try taking another Xanax.

Experts do point out that one very positive note is that it could be much worse. You could be living up in Grand Forks!

It’s Official: Jar Jar Binks Is Moving To Fargo!

Donatella Versace shares her beauty secrets.

Say hello to Fargo’s newest celebrity!

Fargo, ND – After much behind-the-scenes planning and excitement, Jar Jar “JJ” Binks has decided to “settle down” in Fargo, North Dakota.

Known for being one of the most popular of all the Star Wars characters, a large portion of JJ’s vast wealth comes from his Binks Armored Truck services and for briefly being married to the very lovely and super rich Donatella Versace.

Mr. Binks says he is moving to Fargo because of the region’s relative safety and lack of paparazzi.

Jar Jar’s message to the people of Fargo: “Mesa called Jar-Jar Binks. Mesa your humble servant!”

Jar Jar is also seeking a life mate.

JJ likes walks down by the river, sipping wine, back rubs, book discussion clubs, and watching Kung Fu late at night.

Storm Gandolf Fargo North Dakota

Bill Burns Defends Fargo From Storm Gandolf. His Story.

Storm Gandolf Fargo North DakotaFargo, ND – Storm Gandolf, according to the media, was supposed to be a storm apocalypse.  Those two words “storm apocalypse’ are what sprung me into action.  I wasn’t going to sit by and watch my fellow Fargoans being forced to blow storm gandolf.  That is why on the evening of 01/11/2013, I grabbed a parka and a crowbar and headed out the door to do battle.

Sooner than later there I was, sitting in the middle of a field waiting for Gandolf to show itself.  I was five hours in now.  Stomach was starting to make noises and my mouth dry, wanting nothing more then a sip of something hot or cold.  Since I only had a parka and crowbar I had to improvise.  To quench my thirst, I dug a small hole, filled it with snow, then dipped my huge big and hot balls into the snow thereby melting it and making a very nice cup of low-sodium hot water.  Looking back at it now, if it wasn’t for that ball water, I don’t think I’d still be here.

Hot water in my stomach and feeling good, the wind started to whisper at me.  “Gandolf!  Is that you?” I shouted in such a manly voice, I believe a woman living on a distant farm became pregnant at that very moment.  “Show yourself!” I screamed.

At that moment a snow wave burst up from the field and made it’s way straight for me, yelling nasty, violent, and obscene obscenities at me.  I remember them well and they haunt me to this day.  This ‘snow wave’ was a penis.  It was a very large, cold, and mean penis made out of snow.

Right as this large penis was about to attack, I shoved my crowbar right into the beasts opening.  The penis tip if you will.  At that very moment, the storm burst into millions of tiny white snowflakes which started to lightly rain down on me.

I knew it was a success.  I saved the people of the Farg0-Moorhead area from Storm Gandolf.

So there you have it.  You now know the real reason Storm Gandolf was non-existent for the fargo-moorhead residents.