Tag Archives: garbage

Fargo’s Plan To Ban Plastic Bags Irks Some Civil Liberties Groups

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…but many are mad at Fargo’s attempt to ban beautiful plastic bags.

Fargo, ND – Many civil liberties groups are beginning to push back against the Fargo City Commission’s early attempts to ban plastic bags from the city.

They collectively say: “What Commissioner Jan Strond is proposing is just unfair against plastic bags, some who have immigrated from other countries where they may have been threatened. Banning plastic bags will send a bad message to others that Fargo is intolerant of anyone who is different.“

The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) believes a ban on any group, such as plastic bags, goes against the American way and infringes on the constitutionally guaranteed civil liberties of everyone.

People For the American Way (PFAW) advocates for values that sustain a diverse democratic society of which plastic bags are a part, along with activist City Commissioners, when they’re not trying to impose unconstitutional bans.

National Coalition Against Censorship (NCAC) represents many groups united by a conviction that freedom of thought and expression must be defended which is why they’re now focused on Fargo’s anti-American plastic bag ban.

If you believe the Bill Of Rights also protects plastic bags from being banned from Fargo, please show up with a sign demanding justice at the next Fargo City Commission meeting.

If you believe intolerance breeds further intolerance, demand that Commissioner Jan Strond apologize to the plastic bags of the world, or at least the banned ones in Fargo.

Area Man’s Unhealthy Obsession With Celebrity Revealed In Cryptic Letter

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Discarded pamphlet of longing stokes a blazing fire of mystery.

Fargo, ND – The ever-observant FMO staff acquired an intriguing bit of loot during a recent dog walk. “What is it, boy? What do you got there? No, leave it, it’s trash.”

However, it was clear that this was no ordinary hunk of rubbish. The dog kept at it until it would be retrieved. He wouldn’t let it go. So, the crumpled-up paper was plucked from the snowy gutter.

The smeared contents of this cast-off message were hardly legible but with help from the FMO Forensics Division this proclamation of fondness was successfully deciphered. Behold:

Dearest RW,

A spoon. A tool to use for indulging in the sweet, creamy goodness of ice cream. But Hollywood doesn’t use you — they cherish you. Did you know your name was used as a Wheel Of Fortune answer? It’s plain to see how revered you are in popular culture. Oh, Reese! My nickname for you is

Has a nose for infatuation

but it stops there before it was presumably crumpled up and tossed away. What did the author’s rough draft mean to convey? Obvious clues point to who it might have been addressed, but perhaps we’ll never know its true purpose.

It should be noted that every ‘i’ was dotted with a heart.

Any guesses at what the author’s nickname is for their obsession are welcome in the comments section. All submissions will be hastily forwarded on to the FMO Forensics Division for further analysis.

Fargo Landfill To Be Permanently Closed

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Local trash heap becomes treasure trove of valuable ancient artifacts.

Fargo, ND – The Fargo Landfill is being shut down – closed for the foreseeable future. It is now officially going to be considered a historical site due to some recent important findings.

An undocumented landfill worker inadvertently discovered some unusual looking arrowheads while working the dump. These arrowheads have turned out to be quite significant, to say the least.

Renowned British archaeologists Dale and Connie Rosenkrantz say these arrowheads are now the oldest ones ever discovered on this planet.

“These arrowheads are older than the ancient bone arrowheads found in the Sibudu Cave down in South Africa!”, Dale Rosenkrantz excitedly explained to us, while taking a nip of whiskey to calm his nerves. “The Sibudu relics were carbon-dated to be about 77,000 years old. These newly discovered ones in the Fargo Landfill are even older than that!”

All this good news for archaeologists is bad news for Fargo City officials who must now try to quickly come up with a new location for all future garbage dumping.

Possible alternative locations will be discussed at the next City Commission meetings. “All options are on the table”, confided an anonymous high-ranking city official. “North of North Fargo, South of South Fargo, the Osgood area, these are all being looked at as viable options. We might even have to haul our garbage over to Moorhead, since they have a lot of unused space.”

Fargo, West Fargo, Moorhead Cleanup Week

Fargo, West Fargo, and Moorhead Cleanup Week Postponed Until 2020

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Fargo, West Fargo, Moorhead Cleanup WeekWest Fargo, ND – Every year in May, Fargo, West Fargo, and Moorhead conduct their yearly cleanup week where people may throw out their hordes of crap.  Not this year.

This year you will have to hold onto your complete and utter crap for another……………7 years.  All three cities has postponed cleanup week until the year 2020.

 

City officials expect the weather  to be utter crap for the next 7 years and would like to plan ahead.  They anticipate they will be busy with other responsibilities such as flooding, snow blizzards in July, the abominable snowman, and potholes.

Dumpster Diver Fargo Moorhead

Tales of a Struggling Economy: Garbage Peddler Pete Wrigley, Jr.

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Dumpster Diver Fargo MoorheadFargo, ND – The less-fortunate have fallen on even harder times than we could have possibly imagined. As evidenced by the photo shown here, a downtown Fargo area transient was exposed recently as an utterly shameless trash peddler.

Area homeless Pete Wrigley Jr., who was once only thought of as a panhandling street urchin, was spotted yesterday in a 2nd avenue apartment dumpster trying to peddle common throw-aways to passersby. Mr. Wrigley made every effort to sell me food waste and other “valuables” out of a dumpster he appeared to have transformed into a makeshift vendor’s booth.

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No, I don’t want to purchase that empty cardboard box

Wrigley was clearly rummaging around in a back-alley dumpster but this trash bin did seem to look much like a magazine stand that one would find on a New York City street corner which must have been why he found it so appealing.

This is what it has come to, people. In a rock-bottom economy, transients have been reduced to selling our own rank garbage back to us. What a disgusting act of desperation! If you see Pete sifting through the rubbish of a neighborhood trash receptacle any time soon, don’t call the police. Instead, immediately notify the Observer. If he tries to sell you anything gross and/or useless, don’t pay more than asking price.