For the past two months I have had the displeasure of using craigslist to find another car since I sold my other one.  Unfortunately it’s the only option I have because all the other sites are filled with dealers and I don’t want none of that.

What I have run into during my craigslist adventures is nothing short of amazing.  In fact, after all the wtf’s I have run into on craigslist, I almost donated my computer to my dog and called it quits on the internet for good.

What could make you do such a thing?  It couldn’t have been that bad?  Yes.  Yes it was and here’s why.

ALL CAPS

Nobody told this sad sack that nobody likes reading anything in ALL CAPS.  Even when you’re typing in all caps you should at some point realize that this isn’t the way to go about things.  Posting in all caps isn’t going to sell your piece of shit any faster.  I’m going to think you’re a big idiot and go onto the next ad.

Salvage Titles

This one really gets under my skin.  People who don’t disclose salvage titles in their ad or on the phone!  Seriously, how dumb can some of these people be?  Not only that, these dimwits are listing salvaged title vehicles at full price!  Is this the norm these days?  Are people buying this shit?  Here’s one example.  Called a guy about a car I was interested in and setup a time to go see it.  I go and look at the car and decide I’m going to buy it.  I was about to pay a guy with cash for the car until he gave me the title.  Boom!  Title states that it is salvaged!  At no point did this shit-for-brains tell me it was a salvaged car.  He even said, “Well every car has been fixed at some point.”  I so badly wanted to kick him in the nuts right then and there.  What a complete waste of my time.  If this is you, run into a brick wall head first please or run in front of a bus.

“In Excellent Condition”

So this is pretty basic stuff here.  I think the majority of us understand what “In Excellent Condition” means right?  Apparently I’m wrong.  One instance, this shithead who should have been born a worm and not a human, listed his vehicle as in excellent condition.  Well, when I went to look at it it was anything but.  This car was a big pile of shit.  I’m not even going to go into how it certainly wasn’t in excellent condition because I’d like my blood pressure to stay at a healthy level.  Another one I looked at had very bad hail damage but you couldn’t see it in the picture nor did the guy state that in his ad.  Another sad sack who should have been born a worm.

Dealers Posting In Owners Section

This is another one that really gets me.  I don’t know if they think they are being tricky or just assholes but I have run into so many dealers posting in the owners section.  I search by owners only so I don’t have to deal with these dealer assholes.  I looked at about three different cars listed in the Owners Only section who ended up being dealers!  If I wanted to go to a dealer and pay dealer prices I would.  I didn’t search OWNERS ONLY for DEALERS.  Get it?  If you come across these morons, please start flagging their posts.

Flippers

Anyone can be a dealer these days.   I ran into a couple people who simply buy cars at the auction, don’t do a damn thing to them, and then try and sell the piece of shit to you.  After buying the car, they can clear all engine codes (which they do) to make it look like a good running car.  Unbeknownst to the future buyer, they find themselves with a car that has engine problems.  This happens all the time.  That is why it’s imperative you look over the car good before buying.  All because of these assholes.

Clean?

This is one of the very basic principles of selling a car.  CLEAN IT!  I can’t even count on my hands the filthy vehicles I have run into.  These people somehow don’t know that it’s common decency to clean your filthy pile of shit before trying to sell it to someone.  It’s just a nice thing to do.  I don’t want to buy a car then have to spend two days cleaning your filthy dog hair out or your boogers from the seats.  CLEAN THE DAMN CAR YOU FILTHY ANIMAL.

Not Listing Miles

One of the two most important things you want to know about a car are it’s miles and if it has any rust.  These jackasses will post an ad and specifically not list the miles but they will sure let you know that it has high miles by stating ‘ALL HIGHWAY MILES’ ‘HIGH MILES’ or just nothing at all.  Post the miles there lamb chop.  Your sleezy way of not posting the miles is NOT going to make me call you.  I’m instead going to skip your stupid ad in the hopes that you get stuck with your pile of shit with high miles forever.

Posting Your Ad In A Different City

This his HIGHLY ANNOYING.  Keep your damn car ad in the same city that it’s located in.  When I search by city, I expect the car to be located in that city.  Not four fucking hours away.  Jack…….ass.  Oh, and if you do keep posting in other cities, you better drive the damn car to the city I live it or meet me halfway if I want to look at it.

In conclusion, if you are any of these people, either get your shit together or step away from the internet and don’t ever come back.