Tag Archives: morning

Moorhead Man Who Was Attacked By A Mourning Dove Is Expected To Survive

This bad boy allegedly attacked a Moorhead man for no good reason.

Moorhead, MN – Mr. Nevin Goodrum, who was peacefully sitting in his backyard, decided to call to the mourning dove that was sitting up in his tree by blowing into his cupped hands.

After a few near-perfect calls, Mr. Goodrum was viciously attacked by the mourning dove who must’ve taken Nevin’s calls as total disrespect.

Seeing her husband all pecked down and bloodied up by the mourning dove, Mrs. Goodrum called 9-1-1 and explained the situation.

As you can imagine, Nevin Goodrum ain’t going to be calling to his neighborhood mourning doves any more, any time soon.

Just the sound of a mourning dove is now enough to send Mr. Goodrum to the Xanax drawer in an effort to calm Nevin’s frayed nerves.

Mourningly, all the letters in Nevin Goodrum can be pecked around to spell: Mourning Dove!

FMO Considering Selling Prayer Pillows To Help Fund Reader Appreciation Parties

Rest your head on a prayer!

Fargo, ND – Your FM Observer understands the importance of saying a bedtime prayer each and every night before retiring to dreamland. In fact, we believe this has been a big reason why we’ve been so successful at being a non-profit corporation. Things really started to turn around after hiring two full-time chaplains to help guide us spiritually and emotionally through our daily work lives.

To help us give back to our community, we’re considering selling FM Observer Prayer Pillows for the nominal fee of $150 each, which will go directly into our Party Fund.

To maximize your personal prayer power, here are five wonderful choices of prayers for your FMO Prayer Pillow, each one thoughtfully co-written by our two chaplains, Tempie Sadberry and Demetria Presby:

Now I lay me down to rest
After surviving yet another test
Tomorrow will bring more work and play
Hopefully, I’ll make it through another day

Now I crawl into my bed
With lots of thoughts up in my head
If I can’t somehow fall asleep
I’ll take some Xanax and count some sheep

As today is now terminating
Another night is germinating
Hopefully tomorrow will bring good weather
And I can somehow get my shit together

Back in my bedroom once again
Laying in bed, listening to my fan
To wake, I’ve set my digital clock
For protection, I have a loaded glock

Now I lay down on my back
Hoping I don’t have a heart attack
Or suffer a thrombotic stroke
About these things I’ll never joke

Prayerfully, all the letters in both “Tempie Sadberry” and “Demetria Presby” can be re-arranged to spell: Bed-time Prayers!