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Bernie Sanders Waves Good-Bye To Humanity As He Leaves To Become The First President Of Mars

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Mars will be in good hands with Bernie Sanders as the president of Mars!

Mars, Milky Way – Shortly after suspending his 2020 presidential campaign, Bernie Sanders waved to everyone on Earth as he boarded his plane for Mars.

“This is a bittersweet moment. Bitter because Joe Biden looks to be the Democrat nominee for president. Sweet because I look forward to being the first president of Mars,” said Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders as he climbed aboard his plane which was being prepared for the long flight to Mars.

Pundits opined that Mars might be a good testing ground for some of the Bernie Sanders plans and programs that the seemingly radical Senator wanted to implement here on Earth.

In his final good-bye to his supporters, Bernie said: “I bid you all farewell, and if you want Medicare For All, please come visit us on Mars, where healthcare shall be a human right, along with free college, and free everything, for that matter.”

Vast Amounts Of Chocolate Discovered On Mars

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If you like chocolate, you’ll love Mars!

Chocolate Valley, Mars – As many scientists have long suspected, the planet Mars has been discovered to have large amounts of chocolate on its surface.

Kudoto Kimikuku, Chief Chocolate Research Scientist for NASA says: “Large rivers of rich dark chocolate have been found flowing on Mars much like the heavy sledge of a BP oil slick.”

Now that the presence of chocolate has been confirmed on Mars, that opens up the possibility that early pioneers traveling to Mars can survive by eating a chocolate-rich diet of cookies, cake, and candies.

If you are interested in signing up to win a free trip to Mars, simply email the FM Observer, explaining in 500 words or less how much you love chocolate and why you should be chosen to make the short jaunt to our neighboring chocolate planet.