Tag Archives: president

President Clinton To Hit Some Fargo Hot Spots

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I love Fargo! South Dakota is one of my favorite states.

I love Fargo! South Dakota is one of my favorite states.

Fargo, ND – President Bill Clinton somehow ended up in Fargo, North Dakota to try and drum up support for his wife’s floundering presidential campaign.

Bubba’s speaking engagement will take place in the basement of the Northern Gentlemen’s Club near famous downtown Fargo.

Clinton, who was president from 1993-2001, is expected to talk about why his wife would be the best candidate to grow government, decrease our military, and increase our national debt.

Hillary has indicated that she is considering putting Bill in charge of revitalizing the economy and also selecting and “over-seeing” all the interns who will be working at the White House during her administration.

He will also be pushing for support of his new pet program called Respect All People Equally (or RAPE, for short).

President Clinton, who was impeached in late 1998 for perjury and obstruction of justice, stopped at a local Fargo ice cream shoppe and ordered a double scoop of his two favorite flavors: Peach-Mint.

President Changes Names Of Rocky Mountains, Alabama, And Hawaii

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THE BAROCKY MOUNTAINS

Denver, CO – After flying to Alaska to change the name of Mount McKinley to Denali (meaning “to get high”), President Obama flew to Denver to officially rename the Rocky Mountains.

By executive order, the new name shall be “The Barocky Mountains”.

The next stop during a busy travel day for the President was to Alabama, which he quickly changed to Alobama.

Finally, to cap off another day full of executive orderings, Hawaii, the home state of President Obama, will forever after be referred to as “The Birther Islands”.

Fargo Man Often Mistaken For 16th U.S. President

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Fargo man often mistaken for Abraham Lincoln.

Fargo man often mistaken for Abraham Lincoln.

Fargo, ND – A local Fargo man often gets told he looks a lot like someone else.

Mr. Gilmore Rawls, a long-time resident of Fargo, bears an uncanny similarity to President Abraham Lincoln, who lived about 150 years ago.

When asked if he ever gets requests for an autograph, Mr. Rawls says “Oh yes, all the time!” And then he proceeds to write out “Gilmore Rawls” using an old ink pen he made from an eagle feather.

“If I had a dollar for every autograph I’ve signed over the years, it probably would have been enough to pay my way through law school, which was always a dream of mine.”

Gilmore Rawls’ family originated from the Kentucky area, also similar to Abe Lincoln.

After moving to Fargo, Gilmore worked at the post office and also as a county surveyor. “I was also pretty good with an axe, and have made many a fence in my days”, he added.

These days, he likes to spend most of his time reading history books by the light of his old stone fireplace.

On whether or not he’s seen the recent movie about President Lincoln, Gilmore said: “I’m not really a movie-going person. If anything, I like to go see a good play at the local community theater.”

White House Not Returning George W. Bush’s Voicemails

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Washington, DC – Former President of the United States George W. Bush is a good man. He worked hard to benefit our country while in office. He is a man of considerable pride and generosity, and recently found it in his heart to reach out to the US government headquarters that he used to call home. It is a simple, kind gesture, to call an old friend to see how they’re doing. The White House, however, doesn’t seem to want to acknowledge the attempts of the former POTUSA. White House Chief of Staff Jack Lew:

“Dubya calls here about once a week looking to shoot the shit with anyone that’s willing to talk about legos or horses or whatever he finds interesting at the time. I usually end up taking the bullet because Barack leaves his phone status set to ‘in a meeting’ literally all day long. Lately, i’ve been letting the calls go straight to voicemail lol!”

Good ol’ Dubya must not know exactly what to do with himself anymore what with not having a country to run and all. Maybe he and Rick Perry can have a barbecue or a hoedown or something like that?