Tag Archives: profitability

Fargo Man Promises If He Wins Lottery Jackpot, He’ll Give Everyone In Fargo One Dollar

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If I win, you also will win!

Fargo, ND – In a magnanimous gesture of possible future generosity, a long-time Fargo resident has vowed to give everyone living in Fargo one dollar if and when he wins a lottery jackpot.

Roy Alleen Overdorf in his own words:

I, Roy Alleen Overdorf, do hereby swear on a brand new stack of unread Bibles, that if and when I win a very large multi-million dollar lottery jackpot, I will personally give to each and every living human Fargo resident, one U.S. dollar, so help me God.

As you can imagine, many folks we talked to about this amazing development are obviously hoping and praying that Mr. Overdorf soon wins a lottery jackpot, not so much for his gain, but more so for their own greedy profit.

As you can also probably imagine, all of the letters in Roy Alleen Overdorf can be randomly tumbled into spelling: Dollar For Everyone!

Monkey Makes $34 Million In Stock Market From A $5 Investment

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Babu is now the richest baboon in the land.

Horace, ND – A resident baboon who’s been living with some distant relatives has apparently done what no other monkey has ever done.

Babu, an eleven year old baboon, took an online stock trading account which had been seeded by his uncle-in-law with $5.00 and somehow turned it into $34,000,000 in less than twelve months.

The monkey’s uncle admitted that he had no idea Babu had the computer skills or the stock trading knowledge to do anything meaningful with the online account.

Astoundingly, Babu also had cleverly switched the stock account over to a Roth IRA, thus making the entire $34,000,000 free from any tax liability.

FYI: Babu is single, loves to peruse the Wall Street Journal, enjoys playing board games, going on long walks by the river, and later sharing sips of a large banana daiquiri with a special friend.

Oprah Wants Everyone To Join Weight Watchers Since She Owns 10% Of The Company

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Everyone who reaches their goal weight will receive a free yo-yo from The Oprah!

Chicago, Illinois – The Oprah is asking for everyone to join Weight Watchers to lose weight along with her.

After having her personal chefs help her balloon up to an astounding 850 pounds, now she is cleverly asking America to join her in dropping some tonnage.

While she loses weight, she and Jabba The Hutt will each be pocketing tons of money since they each own ten percent of Weight Watchers.

Some stupid questions we’d like answered are: How could The Oprah be so overweight if she’s already this involved with the company? What’s her goal weight? 400 pounds? What weight will she balloon up to after this profitable stunt is over? Is Jabba The Hutt also going to try to shed some tonnage?