Tag Archives: racist

New Starbucks Bathroom Policy Welcomes All

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If you need a bathroom now, now think Starbucks!

Seattle, WA – After undergoing some much needed racial sensitivity training, Starbucks Coffee has come up with a new bathroom policy for all its locations across the country.

Starbucks new Open Door bathroom policy will let anyone use any of their three bathrooms at any time.

The fine print of their new Open Door policy does have a few additional clauses worth noting:

A. You must be carrying in your hand a recently purchased Starbucks coffee with you, along with your receipt, or

B. You must either be a Starbucks employee or be close personal friends with someone who is currently working at that particular location, or

C. You have been pre-approved to do so by joining the Starbucks Bathroom Club and are currently wearing your Starbucks Bathroom Club button with its scannable barcode.

FMO’s Buddy Driscoll Will Be Driving The #99 Car In The Daytona 500 Race

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“Bloody” Buddy Driscoll will be driving the #99 car in the Daytona 500 for the FM Observer Team!

Daytona Beach, FL – The FM Observer will be watching the Daytona 500 this year with an extra element of excitement.

Buddy “Bloody” Driscoll will be our designated driver and driving the #99 Nascar in hopes of taking the checkered flag for the FM Observer Team after 200 times around the track.

Buddy, who is 52 years young, will drive a green Toyota Tercel while his brother Dickie Driscoll, who was born under a car, will be his pit crew chief.

Bloody Buddy Driscoll grew up racing in Ireland where he blew away his competition while winning over the crowds with his “aggressive” style. After most of his races, he ended up quite bloody, thus his catchy nickname: Bloody Driscoll.

Buddy credits all his success in his stellar career to one proven strategery: Use what’s working and throw the rest out the window! While racing, Buddy has one singular focus and that is on pure speed, because Buddy always says: Speed Wins Races!

Paula Deen Dropped From Human Race

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Paula Deen: Not worthy of being a human

Paula Deen: Not worthy of being a human

Geneva, Switzerland – The International Human League has unanimously voted to strip Paula Deen of her human status. Recent sub-human activities by Celebrity chef Paula Deen, 66, have forced the IHL Central Counsel Committee to drop her membership to the Human Race.

After her own admission that she had “of course” used the N-word in the past 30 years, Paula Deen has been dropped by more and more companies with whom she used to be in bed, including the Food Network.

But now, after the Queen of the N-Word tried offering some tearful apologies for her crimes against humanity, things seem to be getting worse rather than better.

The president of the IHL, Dr. Jean-Pierre Dubois says: “She is now officially going to be ejected from the Human Race.”

Besides uncountable usages of the N-Word and also being on the receiving end of a messy racial discrimination lawsuit, the owner of Uncle Bubba’s Seafood and Oyster House has also been documented (by secret NSA wire-tap recordings) as having used many other highly derogatory terms.

The politically-incorrect diva has been caught red-handed using a veritable Alphabet Soup of other land-mine terms, such as:

The A-Word (anti-dentite), the B-Word (bully), the C-Word (crackerjack), the D-Word (democrat), the E-Word (egghead), the F-Word (feminazi), the G-Word (geek), the H-Word (Hussein), the I-Word (idiot), the K-Word (kooks), the L-Word (liberal), the O-Word (oinker), the P-Word (pedophile), the Q-Word (queenie), the R-Word (richers), the S-Word (Sioux), the T-Word (thespian), the U-Word (ÜberBitch), the V-Word (vegetable), the X-word (X-wife), the Y-Word (yellowbelly), and the Z-Word (zealot).

Dr. Jean-Pierre Dubois mentioned that Paula Deen will be joining a growing list of others who have been dropped from the Human Race for their high-crimes against humanity, which includes: Lance Armstrong, O.J. Simpson, The Octo-Mom, John Edwards, Barry Bonds, and Idi Amin.

To be fair to Paula Deen, the FM Observer wanted to give her the last word before this post was published, but her quote was so riddled with F-Bombs and other unprintables that we decided to say that she had “no comment”.

Washington Redskins

Washington Redskins Name Change Contest

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redskinsPX1Washington, DC – Well, it looks like the home of Political Correctness is about to get a dose of its own medicine.

The name Washington Redskins, which goes back to 1937, has now become the latest target of easily-offended language censors. What was just another famous name of a loved professional sports team has now become derogatory and racist, according to some D.C. Council members.

If the name is going to be changed, some fans are advocating keeping the “Red” and changing the “Skins”. Some of the top choices in this group are, the Washington: RedNecks, Red Meats, Red Hots, Red Eyes, Red Peppers, Red Wines, and Red Apples.

For those who would rather see the “Red” changed and keep the “Skins”, the Washington: Pigskins, Sheepskins, Buckskins, Foreskins, Coonskins and Deerskins.

Finally, there is a third group wanting the new name to still begin with “Red” and have the word “Skins”, such as the: Washington Red Skinheads, or Washington Red Potato Skins.

D.C. Council member David Grosso would love to hear from you on this issue. Feel free to call him at 202-724-8105, or you can email him at dgrosso@dccouncil.us

You can also contact either:

Muriel Bowser at 202-724-8052 (mbowser@dccouncil.us) or

Kenyan McDuffie at 202-724-8028 (kmcduffie@dccouncil.us)

who are both totally down with David’s idea of making a name change.

Let any of these fine public servants know which name you would favor as the new politically correct name for the offensive Washington Redskins. If the name you vote for is picked, you may qualify to win season tickets to see the Washington Rednecks, or perhaps the Washington Coonskins!