Tag Archives: training

New Programmable Robot Kicks Dogs Whenever They Bark

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The new Bark-bot programmable robot will stop any dog in your neighborhood from excessive barking.

West Fargo, ND – Do you have a daily problem with your dog or a neighbor’s dog barking too much?

Well, they finally have made a robot that does something worthwhile!

The new Bark-bot model X300 is specifically designed to kick a dog each and every time it barks.

Bark-bot delivers a powerful kick which you can adjust depending on the size of the dog.

Or, if put on auto-mode, Bark-bot will determine how hard to kick a dog based on its size and the loudness of the bark.

Jevon Gladstone says his little chronic barking Shih Tzu doesn’t bark anymore after getting kicked halfway across the room a few times by his Bark-bot X300.

Fargo Dog School Successfully Teaching Young Dogs To Communicate In English

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Just imagine your dog being able to converse in English!

Fargo, ND – A new dog school now teaches young dogs how to read and understand English as a first or second language.

Scientific studies have proven that graduates of this Dog School in Fargo can comprehend English spoken to them as commands (ie: Stop biting me!) and also just conversational chit-chat such as “How are you doing?”

Dogs that have completed two semesters of study have an understanding of English equal to a third grade child, while four semesters will put your doggy speaking and understand the English language at the tenth grade level of their human counterparts.

If you are interested in enrolling your puppy in Fargo’s Dog School but would like to first see a demonstration, every other Wednesday at the Fargo Public Library graduates of the Dog School will proudly show you that they can not only understand spoken English, but also speak, read, and even write it.

Pokemon Go Trainer Wants Your Ass In His Class

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OmryPeled4

Glef Chryznc: Poketrain with him, or you’re nothing.

Fargo, ND – There is high local demand for Pokegoods and Pokeservices now that the hot new app Pokemon Go has taken America by storm. People of all ages are looking to level-up as they embark on a quest to “catch them all” as quickly as possible. Unfortunately for some, leveling up requires a combination of physical as well as mental ability. The pokemon aren’t going to come to you.

Enter Glef Chryznc. Glef is the sole proprietor of “ChryzPhit” a crossfit gym on the outskirts of town. This gym specializes in crossfit training, but as the need for Poketrainers continues to grow, Glef has decided to moonlight as a Poketrainer at his facility in Northeast Fargo.

His last name also has ZERO vowels, so be confident he can amp your gains.

Poketrainin’ = fun!

Glef will run you through crossfit-ish parkour training to get you up trees and atop buildings. You will also undergo rigorous hand-eye coordination drills that are sure to hone your Pokeskills.

Glef claims he can transform you into a Pokehunting machine in as little as five days. 

The facility is open Monday thru Friday from midnight to noon, then noon to midnight. Weekends hours are 12:00 to midnight. Holiday hours are midnight to midnight.

Grab life by the pokeballs at ChryzPhit!

How To Say A Useful Phrase In 10 Languages

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OMG! My hovercraft is full of eels!

OMG! My hovercraft is full of eels!

Eel River, Indiana – In the FM Observer’s on-going effort to bring you free, cutting-edge, continuing adult educational trainings, we take you to Eel River, Indiana where we’ve been invited to take a vicarious ride with Bob Scarponi on his air-cushioned hovercraft. There, wasn’t that fun?

Mr. Scarponi, who used to work in the Peace Corps, because he couldn’t find a real job, is fairly fluent in 10 languages and he has agreed to teach us all how to say a common and useful English phrase in all 10 languages.

{Tip: Being able to put on your résumé that you can speak 10 different languages can be a major plus when applying for a job.}

Growing up in Eel River, Bob says that finding fresh-water peacock eels on-board his watercraft has been a perennial problem, especially during the eel mating season when the little devils become much more aggressive.

So, without much more further ado, here are Mr. Bob Scarponi’s personal notes on how to say: “My hovercraft is full of eels!” in 10 different languages:

Cornish: Leun a sylli yw ow skath bargesi!
Dutch: Mijn luchtkussenboot zit vol paling!
German: Mein Luftkissenfahrzeug ist voller Aale!
Korean: Nae hoebuhkeurapeuteuneun changuhro kadeuk cha isseyo!
Latin: Mea navis volitans anguillis plena est!
Shona: Hovercraft yangu yakazara nemikunga!
Somali: Huufarkarafkayga waxaa ka buuxa eels!
Swahili: Gari langu linaloangama limejaa na mikunga!
Welsh: Mae fy hofrenfad yn llawn llyswennod!
Zulu: Umkhumbi wami ugcwele ngenyoka zemanzini!

Look for more up-coming educational trainings offered to you free-of-charge by the FM Observer. Some possible future topics may include: 1. How to defend yourself in court, 2. Painting rocks to look like candy, and 3. Joining a cult to enrich your personal confidence.