Eating is all about choices. The more choices you make, the more you get to eat. –Angie Pitts

Since eating is such a universal activity, and Eating Well has now become so hip and trendy, we here at the FM Observer decided to proactively hire our own Senior Staff Dietitian to provide free, important, and helpful advice to all of our readers (and also to those who cannot read).

Professional Dietitian Angie Pitts (no relation to Brad Pitts) has compiled the following excellent list of Eating Tips for the 21st Century.

Angie Pitts in her own words: I would like to thank the FM Observer for 1. bringing me on board so that I can reach millions of people who eat on a daily basis, and 2. putting their trust in me that I can provide the latest cutting-edge advice that both you and your family deserve.

25 Great Eating Tips (by Angie Pitts)

Eat while you’re working out.
Never eat on an empty stomach.
Food always goes into the mouth.
Never eat more than you can lift.
When in doubt, poke it with a fork.
Always download before you upload.
Eat more fish than your spousemate.
Cut down on anything that’s saturated.
Have a glass of wine when you’re nervous.
Always carry an extra Snickers bar with you.
Eat vegetables because you are what you eat.
Never eat between snacks, unless it’s a meal.
Remember to swallow to prevent oral dysphagia.
Crown your Chicken ala King with a steak medallion.
To aid with digestion, purée your meals in a blender.
Go for a short jog following each of your main meals.
Eat slowly unless being rushed by a corrections officer.
Do not sit upside down during meals (and no head stands).
For fluffy scrambled eggs, beat them well like you’re Ray Rice.
Avoid talking in full sentences while eating (short phrases only).
Eat as much chicken fried steak (with the white gravy) as possible.
To thicken foods, add potato flakes. If too thick, add beef bouillon.
Eat at a variety of fast food restaurants to ensure a well-balanced diet.
Chew each bite of food at least 40 times unless you’re in an eating contest.
Only eat half of what’s on your plate (freeze the rest for a midnight snack).

Ironically, “Angie Pitts” can be rearranged into: Eating Tips!